Felt like crap last night

Felt like crap last night

Last night was rough for me. I was overtired. I kept thinking about what my therapist and psychiatrist were saying about my father. I couldn’t settle down because my ankle kept being a bitch. Every time I laid down and move it a little bit to get comfortable, it caused me so much pain. This happens every single night. I move it this way, it hurts. I move it that way, it hurts. I leave it still, it hurts. Because I was so overtired and doped up on my pain meds, I felt nauseous. The voices freaked out. They thought it was because of the Zoloft but I assured them it couldn’t be because the pill peaks in eight hours and it hadn’t been close to four yet. I took another Ativan so my thoughts could settle. I am so glad I didn’t have another espresso drink when I went to Starbucks before seeing my the new PCP. I would never have fallen asleep last night.

I got about 5 hours of sleep. But I am worried about today. My father has agreed to be admitted if they tell him he needs to be (which he does as his breathing sucks right now and he has pain all over). I don’t know if his lung is any worse that is making the breathing worse. He will need a chest x-ray to sort that out. Either way, today is going to be a long fucking day and I have had little sleep.

I woke up because I was roasting under the covers. I checked Twitter and there is a storm on its way. I didn’t look at the numbers because it’s supposed to happen Monday but could go out to sea still. There you have it. Weathermen at their bests, calling a storm that hasn’t arrived yet and freaking everyone out. We are going to be out of milk and bread for days. I, of course, have to be out of the house Monday. I have my pain management appointment.

I’m going to try and go back to sleep. But it’s hard because I feel so awake. I know that if I do, I will feel like shit like I always do when I go back to sleep. I need to get as much rest as possible as today is going to be a long day.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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