Snow and Emergencies

Snow in the forecast so of course it is an emergency

My city is ridiculous. They cancel school because the weathermen say there is snow in the forecast. We serious are only getting INCHES but they panic and close school and declare a snow emergency. Now you can only park on one side of the street. Where you are to park, I have no idea. I have a driveway but I feel bad for my cousins that have to park on the street. It’s ridiculous.

I have been in a mood all day. I saw my father. He was complaining of chest pain for most of the day. It didn’t settle down until they gave him morphine. Then when my sister boosted him up on the bed, the pain came back. It’s probably a pulled muscle but you can’t tell him that because it’s on the side where his heart is. He is having a stress test tomorrow so we’ll know more. After we went for his test, I got wicked low. I just got really depressed for no reason at all. I felt like all the air was taken out of me. I have never felt that way before in a public place and certainly not while with family members present. No one noticed my depression, which was good. I wear the mask pretty well.

I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow, which means I have to go out to this damn snow storm that they are saying we are getting, but they can’t decide how many inches we are going to get. Before we left to see my father, it was 4-7 inches. Now it’s 6-8. That is nothing. If it was feet, that would be different. And there is no guarantee it will hit. There is still a chance it could go out to sea. So stupid. You would think technology would be better at predicting storms.

I just hope that my Starbucks will be open so I can get my soy latte. I stupidly had a mocha today, regular not soy, and it went through me while I was visiting my father. I am just grateful the bathroom was near his room. I wasn’t going to use his bathroom because yuck. I did have a soy mocha and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I wonder how a snicker latte will be with soy milk. Maybe I will have that tomorrow if I remember.

All the visiting and stress of dealing with my ornery father totally wiped me out. I am barely awake. I am glad it’s close to bed time so I can fill my pill box and take my meds. Fuck. I didn’t fill my pill box today. I hate filling the damn thing every week. I can’t go hodgepodge again. I don’t want the dizzy spells to have a reason to come back. Fuck. And my ankle is sore so I might as well take my meds after I fill it because I don’t think I will be able to stand afterwards. Think I got to get a thirty day pill box or something. I got a lot of med refills this week. I hope it doesn’t cost me a fortune.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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