Rainy Monday 2

Rainy Monday 2

I woke up this morning around 0600 in pain. My left leg was hurting so bad and my ankle too. I took some pain meds and was able to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. I made some breakfast, which aggravated my leg some more. It’s raining out and I think that is why it is hurting. I took a stronger pain med and now I am so sleepy.

I woke up from my nap. Had the strangest dream. I wish I could remember it but I don’t. My foot still hurts so I took some more pain medication. I knew today was going to be a pain med day because of me waking up in pain and it raining outside. Not a good combo.

I asked my therapist if she had any cancellations for today to let me know. So far she hasn’t had any and I don’t think she will. I guess it’s kind of good because in about forty-five minutes or so I am going to be sleepy again. Pain meds will do that. I have the Zipcar for tomorrow so I can see her in person. I reserved it early and gave myself plenty of time because last time I was close to being late, mostly because they changed an exit on the route I take and I had to go around. I also want to go to Walmart to see if I can get Sox PJs. The ones I have are wearing out and I want to replace them before they rip to shreds.

Today is the first day in months that I had at least two meals that were more than I could eat. This morning I had toast and two boiled eggs with Ensure and for supper, I had chicken cacciatore. My mother made it and it was very good. I ate a bowl with some bread and now I am bloated. In between, I had some pretzel nuggets because I was hungry. I didn’t eat lunch because I slept.

It’s been a week since my father passed away. I am still feeling numb and sad at times. I haven’t been listening to music because I don’t know what I want to hear. I start with one artist and then get bored and have to change to another artist and it just gets boring. Nothing is helping my mood. I have a few people that are worried about me because I have depression. My psych and therapist are worried, I know that. I still haven’t had a good cry about my father and I don’t know if I want to. If it happens, it happens. I just hope that I am home when it does. I hate to be on a bus or train when it happens. Grief has a nice way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, so I am told anyway.

I think I need more Neurontin tonight. I will take the same dose I took last night. I just hope the leg pain doesn’t come back. The stronger pain med helped take it away. Now I am just dealing with foot and ankle pain that is a combo of physical and nerve pain. Every single day I have this pain and it drives me crazy trying to find the right combo of meds to soothe it. Some days, I am successful, and other days, I am not. It depends a lot of when I “catch” the pain in the beginning or not. But all that goes out the window due to weather changes. I know I am hurting more because of the stupid fucking rain than because of physical activity. It’s supposed to rain the next two days so I might be in agony for a while.

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