Today just sucks. I woke up in pain in my foot. I went to the bathroom and that flared up my ankle. I just wanted to take pain medication and go back to sleep but I had therapy and didn’t want to be groggy. So I just took one pill and hoped for the best. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to change my sheets but I did it! Nearly threw my back out but I did it. Wrestling with the sheets to go back on was harder than taking them off.
In therapy we just got caught up on the weekend activities. She read the blogs that I sent her. We talked about them and about the psychotic episode I had yesterday. She thinks it was because it was Monday and I was “stressed”. I found this answer to be bullshit. I didn’t feel stressed. If anything, I would say that I am due for a psychotic break and it finally happened. Usually when I am post a horrible depression, these types of things happen. The important thing is that it cleared up and I haven’t had any recurrances.
I have been struggling with writing the “Daily Prompt” for today. I started writing it and then my mind went blank. I hate when that happens. I hope to go back to it sometime tonight, but if I don’t, there is always tomorrow. I will just put the email in the folder to remind me later. Sometimes I can write right off the back on topics but when it’s personal, it’s a little more difficult. Especially when your mind wanders. I have been spacing out since I made my bed. Not really dissociating or anything of the sort. Just kind of staring off with a blank mind. It happened more frequently after my father was dying and more after he died.
My therapist was kind of shocked that I got a little urn with my father’s ashes that said “Loving Dad”. We can’t really say that he was an asshole because that would be inappropriate. I have been having dreams of my father. I haven’t told my therapist because I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not disturbing or a nightmare. He just shows up in my dream. Sometimes he walks in and I walk away. Other times he is just lying down, dying and I ignore him. So pretty much what went on in life, is happening in my dreams. It is kind of freaking me out a little bit but not to the point where it’s scary or anything. I just wake up and am like WTF.
I miss my psychiatrist. She has been gone for a week now but it feels like ages since I last saw her. I don’t see her until next Friday. I am supposed to be watching my niece that day. We’ll see if she wants to go with me or not. If not, my mother will have to watch her.
My ankle and foot have been bothering me most of the day so I have been taking pain meds around the clock. I think that might explain why I have been feeling doped up. I wish I could sleep but I just am not sleepy. I have the hungry horrors today. I have been eating every other hour since I got up this morning. I think I am finally full as I just had supper. Going down the stairs was tough. My ankle didn’t like it at all. I still need to shower. Think I am going to take one more pain pill and then go for it otherwise, I won’t.