A Terribly Upsetting Therapy Session

A Terribly Upsetting Therapy Session

I spoke my ideas about the Orlando shooting today and my therapist did something she never did before. She didn’t believe me. I got very upset, started crying I was so upset. It’s one thing to not believe things. I get that she doesn’t have to believe in aliens like I do, but to not believe what I was saying just killed me. I wrote to my psychiatrist about it. I told her she was a Bozo and a half. I was very upset, I didn’t know what I was saying in the email.

We still had time during session to talk, which I refused to. I just cried as silently as I could. The one person I thought I could talk to about anything just shut me down and I don’t want to talk to her anymore. We have a session tomorrow that is too late to cancel. I won’t talk during that one either. Fuck her. I don’t think she understands psychosis or delusional thinking. I am not taking my meds tonight. Screw the abilify. I am out of trilafon so it doesn’t matter. I’m doing what the voices want to do. I should have trusted them more than ‘real’ people.

The dentist appointment went okay. I was still numb while trying to talk to Bozo the therapist. My jaw is still hurting from being open so long. I have been eating soft foods because I don’t want to try the hard ones. My neck is killing me. It was a big cavity. I tried to get some sleep after therapy but it was impossible. I was too upset. When I finally did settle down, my mother called me to help fix dinner. There went the nap. Then my mother had a laugh when she turned the TV on and it scared the crap out of me. I must have jumped three feet. Just what my PTSD needed.

HA, A psychologist just posted an article about how you are using too much toothpaste. I don’t use that much, just a dab because any more than that and I will gag. I have been doing this for years.

I don’t feel so good, physically or mentally. I am just so tired because I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was so worried I was going to oversleep. Then my ankle started bothering me so I took some pain meds for it after session. I wanted to go out but my mouth was still numb and I didn’t want to drool. The numbness didn’t wear off till around 1530 or so. I will go out tomorrow. I have a thing to mail. I am going to cancel sessions for next week. No point in talking to someone who doesn’t understand. I am going to page my psych tomorrow. Maybe she will understand. If she doesn’t, I am screwed. I just don’t understand why they can’t understand that there are alien parasites in the brains of these radical extremists that are making them do the things that they are doing. The voices agree with me. They warned me no one would understand. I took a chance and it backfired terribly. Now I have no one to talk to. Voices have been telling me for years that the meds are poison. Now I believe them so I am not going to take them anymore. I don’t know why I have been so stupid.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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