Therapy, Chinese Food and other things

Therapy, Chinese Food, and other things

I had therapy today. I rented a zipcar and went out to see her. It was a good session. We talked more about the voices. I think she was trying to see if I was suicidal as the voices keep telling me to take more of my meds than I should. I don’t feel suicidal, unless it’s subconscious. I wore my necklace today to protect me from the alien parasites. Ever since I was triggered Friday, I wear it outside. My therapist wasn’t curious about it like my psychiatrist was. That was good because then I didn’t have to explain why I was wearing it.

While I was there, I read my discharge summary. It was very funny. On one page they listed my diagnosis correctly. On another page it listed Mood disorder NOS, psychosis NOS as my diagnosis. They weren’t sure if I had a psychotic disorder or an affective disorder. On the final page, the diagnosis changed again. I couldn’t believe it. Most consistently was the diagnosis of PTSD. The other diagnoses they aren’t sure about and this was just ONE hospitalization that lasted about six days. The funny part was that in one sentence they would call me “her” or “she” and the next line would be “he” or “him”. They were all confused. And this was a top notch hospital, too. I think my next hospitalization will be at the local hospital. It will suck big time but at least I will get a consistent diagnosis, hopefully. And despite me telling the top notch hospital that my therapist was a psychologist, all the paperwork given to her stated she was a licenses social worker. But at least they spelled her name right.

I told my therapist that I emailed my psychiatrist but I don’t want to do so all the time because I am afraid she might hospitalize me. I just been sending her updates when I feel up to it. We also discussed going back to the hospital but I know they will just dope me up. I don’t want that. I can do that on an outpatient basis. If my voices get too commandeering, I might have to go in, but only as a last resort. I do have a pesky voice that I really want silenced but it is resistant to meds as even when I was on the abilify, it was loud and obnoxious. It’s been a week since I have been off this med.

When I got home, I was hungry. I didn’t have lunch so I ordered Chinese food. I had to do it on the sly because my mother made supper. When it came, I brought it downstairs to my sister’s apartment. I didn’t have much because I had the pea soup my mother made. I was full off a couple of chicken fingers and scallion pie. I had ordered some rice but I didn’t feel like eating it. I will have it tomorrow, if there is any left over. I am watching my niece most of the day.

In my haste to get the zipcar as I woke up late, I forgot the piece of mail I was going to send out today after the appointment. I will have to mail it out tomorrow. I can take my niece for a walk, if she wants to. I plan on getting pizza for lunch. If she wants to, I will take her with me to Starbucks. I still have to read the psych book that I bought. I have so many books to read it’s not funny. I brought my Kindle out with me today but I didn’t use it. It just stayed in my bag. I really didn’t have time to read anyways. Driving always makes me tired, especially when it’s over a long distance. I just wanted to write and so I did that while having a latte.

My new pen arrived today and I love it. I think it might replace my current pen but the nice thing is that it’s refillable. I might get one for my therapist as I haven’t given her a gift in so long. I wish I could get it engraved for her but it’s not that kind of pen. And it’s not a 0.7 point like it was advertised. It’s a 1.0 like my other pens are. I can’t wait to write with it tonight.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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