Therapy, Bags, and Other Things

For the first time in four years, I almost slept through my therapy session. I woke up ten minutes late. My therapist called twice and I didn’t hear the phone. I was listening to music and I guess when her ringtone came on it didn’t disturb me enough to wake up. So I had a 40 minutes session, which is better than nothing. She read part of the short story that I sent her the other day. She didn’t finish it but she liked what she read so far.

We talked about my day’s activities and how I was doing. We did talk about the voices but I told her I had taken the trilafon in a text message. I took double because I didn’t want to hear the voices. I have like 6 pills left. When I get down to 2, I will notify my psychiatrist to see if she will refill some more for me.

I have been so tired because I woke up at 0300 and couldn’t go back to sleep right away. Then my mother called while I was dreaming and that always makes me exhausted when I wake up like that. It’s just disturbing and then I am tired the rest of the day.

I took my niece out for a bit and beat the rain. I got pizza and fries for us. We had a good time and then I went back up to my room because it was so hot in her apartment. They didn’t have AC. I think my room is the only room in the whole house that has AC so you know where I am hanging out most of the summer when I am not out.

I ordered another book. This book I found in the Facebook group, “history of Boston”. It’s called “White Trash” and is about the class system of America for the last 400 years. I find books like this interesting. I ordered it through a local bookstore so I don’t have to wait for delivery. I will pick it up tomorrow as I don’t feel like going back out today. I forgot to mail my letter for the birth certificate again. I am so mad at myself. So I will do this as well.

I placed another Amazon order because I am an addict. But seriously, I needed to get my allergy pills because I am running low. I also got the DVD “Liar Liar”. I love that movie. It’s one of my favorite Jim Carey movies. It will give me a laugh when I think about something from the movie, especially the pen is blue scene. He is a brilliant actor. I also bought another bag, another addiction I have. Pens and bags are my biggest things that I will spend money on. This one is similar to the Pearl Jam messenger bag I bought back in January. It’s a little smaller and fits my laptop. I hope that if I find a bag that I like that fits my laptop, I will take it with me more and maybe do some writing outside of my room. I found that I have gone away from backpacks and gone toward laptop/messenger bags. As long as it can hold a book or two as well is all I care about because I will need my journal wherever I go. My paranoia about someone stealing my bag or worse my laptop is sometimes so great that I leave the laptop at home. Or someone breaking into my laptop while I am on a network. I don’t store my personal information like my SS number on my laptop but I have visited websites that have that information because they needed it. This isn’t to say my network is secure but I hope that no one breaks through. Mostly what they will get are my blogs. I really don’t have anything else of value to a would be robber of my laptop, though it will suck to get a new one. Only one of the reasons why I leave my laptop at home.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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