Independence Day 2016

Independence Day 2016

My day started out rough. I slept really late after being up in the middle of the night. I had slept for an hour and a half and then woke up for a few hours. It was hard to get back to sleep. I am glad I slept till around 1030 as I was tired. I decided to make coffee and when I went to the kitchen, my crazy aunt was over. She was visiting my mother. She talked the whole time I drank the coffee. My ears hurt from her voice. She would get so caught up in whatever she was saying I thought she was going to cry a few times. She is such a drama queen. It took her at least a half hour to leave because she wouldn’t shut up. I had heard the story at least three times already, if not more.

After she left, I scurried back to my room. I called my sister to see what she was up to as I haven’t seen or heard from her since Saturday. She wanted me to come down as she was making potatoes. I went down and she said she was having a cookout later this afternoon. She invited a friend over. I was fidgety in my room so after a little while, I went back downstairs. My uncle and cousins were over so I went down to say hello. I got a little bit of sun as it was so hot out.

My mother came down to see her brother and then everyone left. I thought it was funny. We then had something to eat and then I had to go back to my room. I was so warm. I had a beer while we ate. My brother in law bought shady beer and it’s pretty good. I drank most of it, which I usually don’t do. I am not a beer drinker at all. But I will have one or two over the course of the summer.

Voices are flaring up today. I think my aunt and the heat just caused them to act up. The voices know I don’t like my aunt very much. She grates my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. I am feeling kind of out of it and I would take a trilafon but I just had a beer and don’t think it would mix very well. I will take it before bed though. I really need to talk to my pdoc about taking it every day. I see her on Friday. I am still debating on seeing my neurologist on Thursday. I haven’t been in as much nerve pain as I was when I made the appointment two months ago.

I have been in a low mood for most of the day. I just can’t seem to shake it. I have tried reading but my concentration hasn’t been so great. I wanted to read last night before bed but it never happened. I took a shower today and it just about wiped me out. I was so tired afterwards. And this was after I had a cup of coffee. My niece is a coffee junkie like I am and I saw her make her iced coffee this afternoon. To me, it was gross as she used instant coffee. The smell alone was gagging me. I cannot stand instant coffee. I thought it was blasphemy. But she drank it.

I really thought the Sox were going to lose today because they were down 4-0 by the 2nd inning. It wasn’t until the bottom of the 3rd they started cooking with gas. They overtook the Rangers and were beating them 5-4. The final score was 12-5. I am happy they won. We needed a win.

As today is Independence Day, I expect there to be fireworks of some sort this evening. I hate fireworks and loud noises. I hope my AC noise will drown out the sounds.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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