Painful Monday

Painful Monday

I’m not having a good day. I woke up at 2 in pain. Tried to go back to sleep but I got hungry so around 3 I made some oatmeal. I fiddled with my laptop till around 5 or so and finally went back to sleep. My foot was hurting when I woke up a few hours later. I couldn’t win. It really depressed me. I had emailed a response to my psychiatrist around 4 in the morning. I am still waiting to hear back from her. She might not be checking her email.

I stayed in bed most of the day except when I had to use the bathroom. I finally moved my bowels and felt like I hit the lottery. I felt better, least around my stomach. I finally gave up on trying to see if the pain was going to settle down and took a strong pain pill. And that was it. I was toast the rest of the afternoon. My pillow and I snoozed until my mother called me sometime between 3 and 4 pm to tell me what she was making for dinner. I just yes her to death to get off the phone. I was in a good dream and wanted to know how it turned out. I never went back to it and I don’t remember what it was about now.

My prescriptions are ready to be picked up. I will do that tomorrow. My foot is still sore to go out. I probably could wing it but I don’t want to. The thought of getting dressed isn’t appealing to me. I have no idea what happened to my gray PJs that could pass as sweatpants. I thought I had packed them in my hospital bag but they weren’t in there. They are hiding somewhere in my room. I hate when clothes hide on me.

Because I have been so tired, I haven’t had much time to feel suicidal. The thoughts did cross my mind this morning before I took the strong pain pill. I wish my psych would answer the email. I wrote in it that I would be contacting my PCP to help sort out my pain better. Whether that meant increasing the strong pain pill dose or going to a longer acting medicine, I am not sure. The regular pain pills aren’t doing much for me. They bring my pain down but not enough to feel total relief.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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