Don’t know what leg to limp on

So I’m inpatient. The nurse’s station is down the hall. My fucking foot has exploded (one with CRPS) and my good foot has an Achilles problem and hurts. I don’t know what leg to limp on. I can’t take pain meds for another hour because that is when the shift changes and the fucking computer system will allow me my meds. I just want to die right now. The pain is so bad. I know I sat down too much today. Having my leg down just causes me more pain.

I had a bad check in with my contact person. He got smug when I said I was going to go off on staff if they woke me up early. The new med is kicking my ass so I feel hungover when I wake up. I just want to sleep in. It will be Sunday for crying out loud. But he said I need to be up at fucking 800 for meds and vitals, which is bullshit because I can refuse both. Asshole wants to play games, I’ll play games back. I know my rights.

I am tired but I can’t sleep because I’m in a lot of pain. Another 30 mins more till I can hobble to the nurse’s station. This is why I have my pain meds by my bedside at home, so I have easy access during a flare. I might take some more ativan to help me sleep. I’m kind of upset that the flares have continued while in the hospital. The last time I was in, I wasn’t in so much pain. I was still on my meds but for some reason, the flares have gotten worse.I don’t have an explanation for this that I can say this or that caused the flare. I just know that I hurt.

I definitely need new sneakers. I think that will help the Achilles problem. I still need to see the specialist for it. But the office is outside of Boston and you need a car. I’ll have to use the zipcar to get there. When I can think clearly, I’ll make the appt.

Now my ankle has joined in the fun. Fuck. Why can’t I die???