CRPS doesn’t care about hot temps
It has been muggy in the house the past few days as a warm front is passing through. Temps have been above 70 degrees and I have had the AC going. You would think that would be a cause of my foot being cold but I shut off the AC a few hours ago and then my foot got cold then exploded in pain. I have been miserable since. All I have had to eat today is two donuts and coffee. I don’t really feel like eating. I’ve slept most of the day. I am just so tired. I dealt with bad emotions last night. My anxiety was at its worst. Sometimes it is hard to know it is anxiety and I need an Ativan to calm down. Once the medication works, I can think clearer and not so dark sometimes.
I had therapy. I asked for an extra session as the dysphoria was really getting to me. It has gotten to the point where I don’t even want to shower because I don’t want to see myself naked. I wish there were no mirrors in the bathroom. I hate looking at myself. Sometimes I look at myself and think damn I look good and other times I hate myself so damn much I can’t stand looking at me. I have been meaning to trim my beard all week but that hasn’t happened. I just don’t have the energy for self-care. I was able to brush my teeth this morning before taking my meds. I find that if I brush after having my morning void is easier than trying to do it after I have had my coffee.
My day started late because after I took my morning meds I went back to sleep and didn’t get up till around 1300. I had coffee because it has become a routine to have coffee when I wake up. I tried to take a nap after coffee because I was feeling tired but I couldn’t sleep. I was too anxious I would sleep through my appointment.
I realized today that I had a really nuts therapist who really thought she had possession of me. In a way I am glad I am no longer in that relationship but I miss her sometimes. She provided me care when no one else did and was my biggest supporter in my efforts to be me. She went to the poster session with me at my first conference. My psych was to show up but never did. My psych is someone who I miss terribly. It is coming on two years now that she has been gone. It still hurts like the day we said goodbye. We still keep in touch and have had a few zoom calls since then. I never thought this psychiatrist would be on zoom but she did.
I have to plan my grocery delivery. I got to remove some stuff from my cart so I don’t go over my limit. I am going to the store on Monday with my cousin. I will get the stuff I am removing then. I need to have the heavy stuff delivered so it is easier to bring upstairs. The ice cream and steak I can get at the store.