Month: November 2021

waking up to a painful arm

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Waking up to a painful arm

I did a lot yesterday. I made marinara sauce for the first time in a long time. It came out awesome. Even my mother liked it. Today I will have the left over meatballs for lunch. I wanted them for a long time. I didn’t use my arm that much but it still hurts me today despite it. I did my exercises while having coffee and something to eat.

I don’t plan on doing anything today. I got brain fog and am so tired. Therapist is off the next two days so I don’t see her until Wed. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow as well as have PT in the afternoon. I just hope my groceries get delivered before my therapy appointment.

I got the Sox news today and it isn’t good. Former SS Julio Lugo passed away at the age of 45 due to a heart attack and my favorite pitcher Eduardo Rodriguez is signing with the Tigers for a five year deal. I am devastated. I guess I am glad I didn’t buy Eddie’s shirt this weekend. I am truly heartbroken.

Another puppy pic

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

I am drained today so here is a pup pic in a blanket

saturday blog 13112021

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Saturday Blog 13112021

Today is my Godfather’s birthday and the day my Godmother died. I have been having sad feelings for most of the day. I miss them both.

I haven’t done anything today. I ordered Five Guys because I wanted a burger and fries. It was so good. I shaved my head again today. I didn’t have a good sleep. It was very interrupted as I was up every couple of hours.

My arm hurts today. I have been trying to massage the muscles but damn, they hurt so much. Any type of pressure just brings me pain. I need to put some heat on it. My ankle is still flared up. A thunderstorm is passing through right now so I think that is why it has flared up again.

I haven’t listened to music today as I got a slight headache. The tension in my neck is causing my head to hurt. My lower back has been hurting off and on today. I think it is because of the storm. I’ve had to take Miralax today because I haven’t had a bowel movement since Thurs. I hate being constipated. My whole bowel feels full but nothing is moving. I am passing gas but nothing more is coming out. Doesn’t help that I am cathing. I swear cathing just makes the constipation worse.

I have a fairly easy week next week. I just have three appointments, two in one day. But it is ok because one is a virtual appointment so I don’t have to leave the house for it. I do have to leave the house for PT. I have been doing my arm exercises but not my back. I know I should but I just hate doing them.

I have been participating in a research study about Covid and I just received the check for my participation. The check has the wrong name on it! It has my birth name instead of my legal name! I am livid!! And for this to happen during transgender awareness week, I am appalled. I emailed the coordinator that this is wrong. I didn’t say how upset I was and now am thinking I should have done so. I can’t fucking believe it. I hope it gets fixed or I am withdrawing from the study.

Taylor is on SNL tonight. I don’t know if I am going to be up that late to watch the episode. She is the musical guest so she isn’t going to play her song until the end of the show which will be like midnight or so. I haven’t been up that late in a while. I wish I could record the performance and then watch it sometime tomorrow but I don’t have a DVR.

Red Taylor’s Version

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Red Taylor’s Version

I am still waiting for my CDs to be delivered from Amazon so I am listening to this album via Amazon Music because I pay for the unlimited. I had downloaded the songs but apparently the buy CD get digital free doesn’t work anymore. I have downloaded the songs but they are just on the app and not on my phone.

I just finished listening to the album the entire way through, without the shuffle on or repeat on. I fucking love it. Her version of Better Man is so fricken cool. I still think of my father with this song. I was ok with Babe but Jennifer Nettles sings it better. And for the life of me I cannot think who sang Better Man first so I had to google it to find Little Big Town did. I listened first on speaker and now I am listening via headphones to get a better experience of it. Some of the songs sound better than the original version. You can definitely hear the more mature Taylor’s voice on the album. I love the addition of violins to Last Time. When the album first came out I was fixated on this song. I must have listened to it a thousand times but I just love the melody of the song rather than I listened to the lyrics.

The “All too well” 10 minute version is so fucking cool. It kind of messed me up when listening to it because of the added lyrics. I cannot wait to see the movie tonight at 7pm. I cannot believe how well this song is. I thought it would be instrumental but I am so glad there is lyrics. There are a couple of songs that I didn’t hear before because they were on the deluxe album and I didn’t purchase it. Ronan was and is a sad song. It is about a four year-old’s death. The lyrics are stunningly beautiful. I never heard this song before now but I heard about it from a fellow Swiftie I follow on Twitter. Amazon delivered my songs and I got them on my phone now. After dealing with my stupid MP3 app, I have all 30 songs in a folder/playlist so I don’t have to play each album separately. Dumb thing.

Arm is hurting me today but that is because I am using the muscles a little more and I made the mistake of lifting my arm while trying to lift my Tshirt up so I could put my phone in my pocket. I am more left handed than I think I am. I write like a second grader because that was the last time I wrote with my hand. I never realized how much I use my arm until I hurt it. Even typing hurts my sore forearm.

I had two cups of coffee back to back as I was listening for the first time the new album. It caused colon blow but I am ok. I made it to the bathroom in time. But I am so damn tired. I could nap right now. I was up a few times during the night. I woke up sometime before 4 to use the bathroom. I didn’t know if I had to go or not when I woke up. I never really went back to sleep. I got up around 9. I took my meds and then listened to the album as I made coffee. I had the kitchen to myself as my mother was leaving the house for an appointment. I had a bowl of cereal as I was starving. I hadn’t eaten anything since last night when my mother made eggplant. I haven’t been eating too good lately. I just been eating one meal a day. My mother is making fish tonight so I will have some of that. I didn’t have lunch yet. I don’t really know what to make. I should make some eggs. I haven’t had them in a while. I don’t know.