short blog 2

I am still feeling unwell, though I feel better than what I did yesterday. Today I just feel like I have no energy and am really stuffy. Right now I am having side effects from the pink pill so I am not sure how much writing I am going to get done tonight.

I didn’t have therapy today. I slept for most of the day, though I did go to Walgreens to get Nyquil and my corn chips. I wanted two bags but they only had one. I couldn’t believe it. And I couldn’t believe how expensive Nyquil is now. For two bottles it used to be 15 bucks. Now it’s 19 bucks. Luckily it was on sale for 14 bucks so I was happy. I wasn’t going to pay $10 for one bottle if I didn’t have to. And I know I will go through the first bottle within the next few days.

I am back to listening to Taylor. I am happy about this. For now it is my one joy. I am too sick to go to Starbucks for coffee or even have coffee. I haven’t had coffee since Monday.

Side effects are affecting my writing so I think I will stop here. If I get a chance I will write later

random 648

I am not feeling well today. I woke up with my sinuses and throat hurting. After I had therapy, I broke out in a fever, low grade. It didn’t last too long after I took some naproxen. I still feel shitty. I didn’t know what I was going to have for supper as I didn’t eat lunch. I made some soup. I hope it doesn’t make me sick as it is past its expiration date. So far, I am not feeling worse than I already do. My head still feels fuzzy.

In therapy, we talked more about my father and how crappy I was feeling. I need to go to walgreens to get some Nyquil but after I broke out in a fever, decided against it. She asked me what I was going to do the rest of the day and I said to tend to my crops. Some how she thought I said crabs. Don’t know where her head is. She blamed it on my “accent”. I guess it is funny but I wasn’t in the mood for laughter. We also talked about how my mood is shifting. One minute I will be fine, the next I will be severely depressed. Then back to being fine again. The depression doesn’t last but when it hits, it is like the world is coming to an end. It is worse at night, always worse at night. I don’t know if it’s like a sundown effect or what, but my mood plummets soon after the sun setting. Today that doesn’t appear to be the case as I am too sick to be depressed, I guess. I just feel so awful. It sucks being sick, especially when you don’t have the stuff to make you better. I will go out tomorrow and get my stuff that I need. I don’t have any more naproxen or ibuprofen so if I run a fever again, I am screwed. I was able to get some Tylenol from my mother’s stash. But she doesn’t have ibuprofen. She tends to think that tension headache medicine takes care of her pain. All it is, is Tylenol mixed with caffeine. But as long as it helps her, I am okay with it.

Because my headache is taking the effect of a migraine, I am sensitive to sound and light. I had to stop playing Taylor because the music was not having a pleasurable effect on me. And like I predicted, the songs are playing shuffle in my head. I will start with one song and then later on it will play another song. It keeps changing and then it won’t leave my brain until I actually hear the song, at low volume. I am kind of upset this cold is affecting my music playing. But then, there was construction going on next door and I was very irate most of the day. I couldn’t stand listening to the chainsaw, some kind of diesel vehicle backing up and beeping, and a grinding noise coming from the backyard. It was so annoying. Then it would stop for a few minutes after all the grinding and sawing only to hear the damn vehicle beeping. It finally stopped around 1630.

I think I am totally obsessing over Taylor. I just can’t get enough of her. I auto-record all her interviews and performances. I can’t wait for the American Music Awards to see her sing one of her songs. I don’t know if it will be “blank space” or “shake it off”. “Blank space” got like 46 million views on youtube. If I were technologically inclined, I would post the video on my blog, but I don’t know how to do it. I know people post youtube videos all the time, but I learned how. So if someone wants to leave me a comment on how, please do so!

Missed Opportunity

Missed opportunity

I had the chance today to meet one of my favorite DJ’s at my local grocery store but I don’t feel well and it’s freezing out, like 28 with a windchill of 18 degrees. I woke up with my sinuses and throat hurting me at 0500. It already has been a long day. I really want to meet her but I am also afraid to meet her as I always have problems talking with female celebrities. Last thing I want to appear is like an idiot. When I met Teryl Rothery, I talked ok and then I got really stupid. Not one of my finer moments. Since then I have been afraid of meeting my idols. This DJ is my favorite because she has a great personality. I have loved her since first hearing her many years ago when Boston had just one country music station. They have been in Boston for more than 20 years now. I remember when she had to go on maternity leave, I was sad because I didn’t get to hear her on the radio but I was happy that she had a healthy child. She has the on-demand lunch where you call in songs. I never was able to get through but I once tweeted my song and she said she would play it. And one time she shouted out my name on the radio when I told her some news about a country artist that was coming to town. We are Twitter buddies. That is why I feel so bad not going. I feel silly as the clock is ticking but I really don’t feel like getting dressed to face the cold and a bus to meet someone I might be an idiot in front of. I know there might be another chance to meet her. Hopefully on a warmer day!

Had therapy today. We talked about nothing particular except my damn father. Just when I think I have a break from him, I don’t. I had to deal with him on the phone today. I really am thinking I should just brace myself for dealing with him every day and then when there is a day I don’t, I can celebrate.

I don’t know what else there was to talk about in therapy today. We briefly talked about how my bowels are still making me depressed but didn’t go in grave detail about it. The weird thing is that I feel we should have been talking about something other than my father, but he takes so much energy from me that I just let her talk about how many spoons I lose in dealing with him. We also talked briefly about how I am not psychotic. She was/is shocked that I haven’t had a psychotic break in dealing with my father. Though at this point, I think my obsession with Taylor Swift’s 1989 is becoming psychotic. I stopped listening to the songs while I went downstairs to see if dinner was ready and I started singing one of Taylor’s songs. I was dancing while I was mouthing the words to my mother. She thought I was nuts. I don’t remember what song it was. I just know that if I am not listening to music, the songs are playing in my head. I did take a break from listening to 1989 yesterday. But I listened to “just Taylor” playlist because I had to listen to “Love Story”. I have to listen to that song at least once a day and I hadn’t had my fix since purchasing 1989. I just love this album!

My therapist doesn’t know about the repetitiveness of the songs, yet. If I had a CD or cassette tapes, it would have been worn out by now. I don’t think I can have a psychotic break while taking my meds. Least I hope not. I know I am taking a chance taking it every other day but I seem to be doing well and have less side effects with this regimen. I wish my pdoc would have written back to me when I told her this. I really would like her feedback on it. But she is recuperating from a broken hip. I don’t know when I am going to see her again. It is so weird not seeing her every other week. I just emailed her to see how she is doing. Hopefully, she will reply.

I am glad I am not struggling too much with my mood lately. I still haven’t had a chance to go to Starbucks and write the book that I am working on. I just sit and journal when I do go. I keep forgetting the notes that I have to prompt me to write. I could do that while I am on my bed but I rather it be in a coffeehouse because it gets me out of the house. And away from distractions such as Twitter and Facebook! I have been trying to finish this blog for the past twenty minutes but keep getting distracted with FB notifications. FOCUS! OK.

My mother normally doesn’t have the heat on except if it is cold like it is today. Which is bad for me because I am freaking hot in my flannel PJs under my comforter! I am tempted to turn on the ceiling fan because I am so hot. My heat system is either wicked hot or not at all. I hate it.

#TS1989 Day 4

TS1989 day 4

This is the 4th day that I have been listening to 1989. I can’t stop listening to it. Every song is my favorite and I think I am starting to know the lyrics by now. “Clean” is moving up to be the top favorite

For the first time in forever, I slept more than 8 hours last night. I woke up at 0830. I never wake up at that time. It’s usually 0730 or earlier. But I bet because I have to get up early tomorrow, I have a crappy sleep tonight. I will try not to go to bed too early, but I took a nap after I had breakfast. Not a good idea. Right now I feel so sleepy, I could go back to sleep. I am just so sleepy today and I don’t know why.

I am looking forward to meeting up with a dear friend of mine tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping that we can have a quick lunch before he has to go but if we just have coffee, that will be cool. We haven’t met up in so long because his schedule and my schedule have been conflicting. I still have to call his office and reschedule my eye appointment. I think I will have it done the week after Thanksgiving. But I get to hit Starbucks twice in one day so I am happy about that.

I took a short walk to Walgreens to pick up my meds and now my ankle is hurting me as if I walked 3 miles. I was doing so good pain wise and now it is back. I don’t get why I am hurting. I think the baclofen is helping decrease the pain some but it doesn’t take away all of the pain that I feel. I did stand more than 10 mins yesterday at the restaurant while waiting to be seated at our table. I was expecting to be in horrendous pain but I wasn’t. Now, the short walk set it off. And by short, I mean a block and a half. I did have to stand a little bit in the store but not too long. I was kind of disappointed that one of my medications was out of stock. I hope they are able to get it tomorrow. I will be in real trouble if they don’t carry it anymore. I will have to switch to another medication and I really don’t want that. I have been on this medication for years and I have found it works really well for my arthritis and back pain issues. My physiatrist wanted to switch me to a different NSAID when we first med but I deterred. We’ll see if my script gets filled this week or not. If it doesn’t, I will switch to a new medicine when I see my doc on Friday.

Game Rant: I completed three missions the other day. It took me months to complete so I was feeling proud of myself. Then Zynga squashed it by giving me 13 new missions! I was pissed. I still am because it is probably going to take till Easter to finish them all. But I a glad they are not repeatable. I hate repeatable missions because they just take so long. Right now I got one that is for mushroom soup. You need 15 but you need 4 soups with green beans to make 1. It totally pissed me off and you have to do this 4 times!! I don’t know why I keep playing this game. I used to find it fun, and sometimes I still do as it gives me something to do. But its laborious and if I was working, there would be no way I could do the missions. I would be stuck. I’m lucky that my new neighbors do help me out. I have like 250 neighbors but I think only 60 play regularly. My neighbors always talk about blocking people but I have no idea how to do that and I am not going to post on someone’s wall and say can you please block the game because you aren’t playing anymore. I kind of like having them around because I can gift them my excess things.

My cousin was supposed to buy my book yesterday but she never made it to my house. She had to work late. I am kind of nervous about her reading my book. I just hope she isn’t judgmental. It will really suck. Right now you can get my book for 99 cents on Kindle. Link is here