Category: bipolar

FB post over last few days

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia, physical pain

Here are my posts from social media past few days. Still not feeling well to give a new version yet…

Nothing is worse than waking up with reflux and feeling there is something stuck in your esophagus. Tried everything I can think of to bring it down or up and nothing is working. Body a gazillion, me 0. Managed 3 hours sleep until fricken bladder woke me up. Took some melatonin. Don’t care if I sleep all day. Today is T shot so if I am up to it will post pics of transition provided I don’t look like shit.

Just when I thought my 24+ hours of being awake were over, foot started vibrating. Never fails. 20 mins after I lay down foot or ankle decide to act up. To say I am exhausted is an understatement. Got a theory…my brain must be so fried from the horrible heel pain (which is worse than the CRPS pain and NOTHING works to bring it down to bearable levels) it can’t relax. Every noise is magnified x100 so I jump, thus keeping me up. My radiator is the chief cause when it kicks on as it makes different fricken noises. And late at night when the house is quiet as I don’t have the noise from my Mother’s TV watching. Melatonin arrived today so will be trying it tomorrow. Haven’t gone downstairs for the mail yet. Hope it works or I’m gonna go insane

Been up for 40+ hours. Going back to bed now. Even though it is currently 145pm EST. Sorry I haven’t been writing. Thanks to all who have been reading despite my absence.

Night of horrible, excruciating, pain #CRPS

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, medical, mood disorders, painsomnia

These are my posts I have made on social media tonight describing the infuriating pain of complex regional pain syndrome or CRPS (formerly known as RSD). One of the paragraphs is to my wonderful, understanding psychiatrist which explains the vein popping of a flare. I don’t get the normal discoloration of CRPS. I get the swelling and pain and allodynia. This is my 2nd night of not sleeping. I’ve maxed out on meds except one, ativan which I shall take shortly. Hopefully it relaxes me enough that I can lay down and sleep. I really hate nights like this but a storm is coming so will be hurting all weekend. Barometric pressure has been so up and down, I can’t keep track of it anymore. It is painful when it like this. Not only do I flare but my joints stiffen and spine aches from arthritis. No one understands the battle so I try and be as descriptive as possible so some understanding can be understood.

Was just sitting in my bed leaning back on my headboard as ankle bone pain course through every bone in my ankle. Then all of a sudden went down through all my foot bones and I started laughing. This has never happened before. One or the other but never both and I am so deliriously tired I don’t care and so I am laughing because of the pain. I’ve used more pain med this month so I got to ration what I have left. Hahahaha oh lordy. Gonna be a fun night and a storm is coming. Wonder what levels of pain that will bring??

Fucking pain. Right where it feels like a knife gutting me up my foot, veins are popping up in a group. Foot still being crushed by unknown entity. Bones hurting severely. & it is midnight. 1200 mg gaba taken. Another hour maybe a BT med. After that, who knows…

haha CRPS is driving me crazy tonight. Every bone hurt in ankle and foot. Then I have a stabbing, gutting feeling where my veins are all grouped together popping like crazy. All blue from being together. Fun fucking syndrome nothing is working. Just taking the rest of the bottle of gaba and call it a night.

Losing the battle with pain. Feel like I want to pass out and pain laughs, and goes up more or hits another area of foot or ankle or both. Nuts. Suicidal ankle pain has started. Fuck. No sleep tonight after no sleep last night. Fuck.
Pain is off its kilter tonight. 2nd night in a row. Nothing is working. Haven’t taken 2nd dose of ativan yet only because I’ve taken high doses of gabapentin. Foot is being crushed. Malleolus is being hammered. And the suicidal ankle pain has started. Veins have converged so I now have a blue tint to my skin because they are popping up. You can see every vein in my foot as to how flared it is. Haha next time i need blood drawn they can use my foot. Haha ouch.

TG short post

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, physical pain, transgender

Hi all my lovely readers,

I am really sore and in a middleweight now so today’s day 1 post will be tomorrow.

Injection went well. I am just mentally and physically drained.

Thanks for reading

white noise and sleeping

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

White noise and sleeping

Probably while I was writing my blog late last night, I was having a reaction to the Moscow Mule that I had. My tongue felt swollen and my throat felt really funny. I took some diphenhydramine. It took about two hours to work, but I finally felt like I wasn’t going to asphyxiate. I was in pain so I couldn’t go to sleep right away. I turned on the white noise machine to try and settle my brain from the panic I was having at having a drink I shouldn’t have had. I finally went asleep around 5. I emailed my psychiatrist telling her I wasn’t going to see her because it was like 2 am and I wasn’t asleep yet. I am glad I canceled because I didn’t get up till noon.

I woke up with a very sore throat. It hurt to talk or swallow. I wasn’t hungry so I just went downstairs to have a dessert. I told my mother what happened. Then she asked if I would call the phone company because there was sometimes static on the line. I told her I couldn’t talk because it hurt. I tweeted to the phone company but that didn’t get me anywhere. They responded and then sent me a link but I couldn’t open it on my phone. I was feeling sleepy as I took more diphenhydramine and the white noise tends to make me sleepy, a double whammy.

I didn’t know if I would blog today as I was pretty much knocked out. I just had dinner, leftovers from last night. I was shocked I didn’t get any spaghetti sauce on my shirt. The breadstick I had was good but it would have been better warm. I don’t know why their breadsticks are so damn good. I just took some more diphenhydramine because my throat is hurting.

I have been following the American Association of Suicidology conference on Twitter. Every year I get inspired by the work these people are doing. It kind of makes me feel less suicidal and wanting to go on despite of my pain and illness but then the conference ends and I am alone with my thoughts again.

I heard from the pain doc today. The secretary called to make an appt with him. I was shocked. I see him in two weeks. Maybe I will get relief or just get more annoyed than I already am.