I’ve been in severe pain since 1900 last night. I don’t know what I did to cause this flare. I know part of it is because I was emotional today with the news of my BFF who is like a little brother to me. I love him so much. I wish there was something I could do for him. I am going to try and call him every week just to check in on him.
I’ve been scrolling on twitter most of the night. I did read Medical Apartheid. I finished the ugly chapter I was on about eugenics and how white people wanted to expunge African Americans. This went on until the year 2000 where they set up clinics to sterilize or force them on birth control. One of the campaign sayings was something like better to be an addict than to have a child. Shows how depraved people were about addiction. Rather than deal with the issue, they rather the person suffering from addiction was sterile or on the long term birth control Norplant. Just makes me sick. The next chapter is on radiation and Blacks. I don’t know if I can stomach it. I thought I could read this but it is really sad what these people have gone through after their freedom was given.
I am tired but I can’t sleep due to pain. I’ve already taken what I could. I even took ibuprofen to try and stop the pain. I think I could be hungry but I don’t feel like going downstairs to make something to eat. I would just have cereal though. I found a box of honey nut Chex while I was putting groceries away yesterday. I love that flavor.
Because of my grocery delivery, I canceled my therapy appointment. I won’t have therapy this week. I will see her on Mon. We have a lot to talk about. I should probably write some of it down so I don’t forget. I hate writing stuff down because once it is out of my head and on paper, I forget about it.
I made an appointment for my eye exam in a couple of weeks. It is outside of Boston at a new place. I just hope the doctor is nice. It is in the afternoon so I am not so sleepy. I think there is a bookstore near there so I might go book shopping after.
I’ve been up since 4 this morning. Woke up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I stayed up. Shoulder was hurting really bad so I took some meds. It has been bothering me all day. Like an idiot I’ve been using my arm so that hasn’t helped. I need to keep it moving though so it doesn’t get stiff.
I somewhat plan on showering today. Back has been bothering me past few days. I keep getting spasms in my left hip. Not sure if it is related to the fall I took. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. Been in a grumpy sort of mood. While I was making my coffee, shoulder pain was really bad and I thought about suicide again. Then a friend sent me a meme saying she was glad I existed and I almost cried. I was overcome with emotion. I was so grateful she sent that to me.
While I was up early, I ordered groceries because I am almost out of my favorite coffee blend. I should have ordered milk and half and half but I didn’t think of it. I bought a lot of cereal. I’ve been eating a lot of cereal lately because I just don’t feel like cooking. My mother made chicken cacciatore yesterday so I might have some of that for dinner tonight. It is really good.
I’ve been trying to hydrate today so that my veins will be good tomorrow should they need to place an IV for my CT scan. I don’t want to get stuck multiple times. I hope to have the report by mid week so I can have an idea what is going on with my shoulder. Just hope I don’t need surgery.
I haven’t napped at all today. It is late now so I probably will just go to bed early. I still need to do my med boxes for the week. I keep procrastinating.
Love story vs don’t you
As you may know by now, I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Her latest album, Fearless (Taylor’s version) has been playing since I have been able to download it to my phone. There are two songs I absolutely love. One is Love Story and the other is Don’t You. I am having a hard time deciding which to put on repeat because I want them both on my top 25 playlist. Right now the numbers are below 50 for Love Story and over 50 for Don’t You. (The numbers are how many times it has been played as recorded by my MP3 app.) I have been thinking of making a playlist with just those two songs so that I can listen to them back to back. I might just do that. Don’t You has been really talking to me, but not in a psychotic way. I just can really relate to this song so much. Taylor’s new music has been really good and there have been songs I can finally relate to. I feel like that her new music has been grown up as she is older now. My other dilemma with her music is that I follow her lyric bots for the album folklore and when a lyric plays and I don’t know the song, I want to listen to the album to know what the song is. It is driving me crazy not knowing.
It is almost 2am. I woke up an hour ago because of pain. And I had to pee as it has been six hours. I was able to void without cathing so I am happy about that. I am not happy I have a uti. My culture came back positive for bacteria. I haven’t heard from the NP yet if she is going to treat it or not. I have been feeling yucky the past two weeks since the cramping started. I have had busy back to back days and am really tired but cannot seem to sleep. I want to change my sheets but it will be a hassle as I have stuff on my bed again. I got Amazon packages surrounding my bed. I just have to take two downstairs to put on my porch. It is my new coffee that I love from Starbucks called Spring Day. It is limited so I bought a bunch while I had the money.
I was able to wake up early this morning to get my first vaccine shot. It took less than twenty minutes and I was early. I had to stay a little longer than the usual 15 minute observation period because I had an anaphylaxis reaction to ginger. Ginger is not in the vaccine but they wanted to be cautious because I had this reaction. The only reaction I am having right now is a sore arm and a headache which Tylenol helped very much. I had to ask my doctor if taking Tylenol on a daily basis is good. He said as long as I don’t go over the 2000 mg dose a day I am ok.
I managed to shower today but I was not able to trim my beard. My back has been bad today. I also been wicked tired. I still haven’t been sleeping through the night. I keep waking up because I have to use the bathroom. By the time I finish my business, I am awake and find it hard to get back to sleep, even with a dose of ativan on board. Then when I do go back to sleep, I feel sluggish and tired.
Today I had a wicked bad headache/migraine. Nothing has helped the headache and as tired as I am, I haven’t been able to sleep at all. I tried two times to take a nap and failed. I hope I can sleep tonight.
The thing that is driving me nuts is the urge to pee isn’t there throughout the day yet in the middle of the night it wakes me from a sound sleep. It is so frustrating because I have to use a timer or my med app to remind myself it has been x amount of hours and I need to cath. I’ve been doing that all day. I’m hoping that I can sleep at least six hours straight so I can function.
Tomorrow the physical therapist will be coming. I think I have like 2 more visits with her and then they will stop coming. I got to make sure I am up and awake. She called today to see if I am still MRSA precautions and I told her I was because I haven’t had the third test done to make sure I am negative. I got to talk to my pcp about this. I am hoping he can do the testing to make sure I am not MRSA anymore.
God I am so damn tired. I am going to stop here as I am drifting off. Until next time…
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