Category: depression

Tiring Tuesday

I wanted to shave and shower today but it didn’t happen. I am too tired. I don’t know if it will happen tomorrow as I have groceries to be delivered and have therapy. I met with my psychiatrist today. We talked about my bladder issues and pain issues. Right before we were to meet, I had to use the bathroom and just made it there in time. I was a few minutes late but I didn’t care as I couldn’t hold it. My bowels were explosive today for some reason and I have taken any Miralax in a few days. My bladder has been urgent as well as I have been voiding for most of the day followed by cathing to make sure I am empty. It still hurts to void.

I had an hour after meeting with my psychiatrist to go to PT. I had something to eat and then got dressed. Arm was so sore today as well. I was moving it a lot and stupidly picked up the gallon of milk today as I made my mother her coffee. The PT said I am a candidate for dry needling as I am wicked tight. She made me feel better but sore. I need to put heat on but I am too tired. I just want to go to bed.

I had some waiting to do before the bus came after PT. It was cold out and my hands got very cold when exposed to the air so I had them in my pocket while waiting for the stupid bus. There must be some diversion with Tufts University as I seen a couple of shuttle buses ride by. They usually aren’t at that end of the road. I went to the pharmacy when I got close to home but the line was so fucking long and not moving so I left. I will pick up my meds tomorrow.

My 1619 Project book came today. I am so excited. I can’t wait to start reading it. I need to finish Medical Apartheid first. I am almost half way through the book but at the rate I am going I won’t be done until mid-December. I try to read at least two chapters but it is a hard read and sometimes I can’t even finish one. The cruelty whites have against Blacks just irks me so much. The last thing I read was how they wanted to exterminate the Blacks by sterilizing them. The author estimates at least 100,000 if not more were forcibly sterilized during the 1920s and 1930s. Some doctors even went as far as to kill Black infants because they wouldn’t survive otherwise. Sick. Just made me sick reading this.

I had a bowl of cereal for dinner. I was dizzy when I came home. I don’t know why. My blood pressure is good. I am probably dehydrated as I really haven’t had much to drink other than coffee today. I have been trying to drink fluids but I hate having to go to the bathroom so it is a catch 22. I just want to go to bed right now. I am so damn tired. The PT gave me “permission” to use the sling if I need it and to especially wear it around the house so I don’t lift things I am not supposed to. Going to fun carrying groceries up the stairs tomorrow. I will have to make twice as many trips because I can’t carry stuff with my arm.

I am drained today so here is a pup pic in a blanket

Saturday Blog 13112021

Today is my Godfather’s birthday and the day my Godmother died. I have been having sad feelings for most of the day. I miss them both.

I haven’t done anything today. I ordered Five Guys because I wanted a burger and fries. It was so good. I shaved my head again today. I didn’t have a good sleep. It was very interrupted as I was up every couple of hours.

My arm hurts today. I have been trying to massage the muscles but damn, they hurt so much. Any type of pressure just brings me pain. I need to put some heat on it. My ankle is still flared up. A thunderstorm is passing through right now so I think that is why it has flared up again.

I haven’t listened to music today as I got a slight headache. The tension in my neck is causing my head to hurt. My lower back has been hurting off and on today. I think it is because of the storm. I’ve had to take Miralax today because I haven’t had a bowel movement since Thurs. I hate being constipated. My whole bowel feels full but nothing is moving. I am passing gas but nothing more is coming out. Doesn’t help that I am cathing. I swear cathing just makes the constipation worse.

I have a fairly easy week next week. I just have three appointments, two in one day. But it is ok because one is a virtual appointment so I don’t have to leave the house for it. I do have to leave the house for PT. I have been doing my arm exercises but not my back. I know I should but I just hate doing them.

I have been participating in a research study about Covid and I just received the check for my participation. The check has the wrong name on it! It has my birth name instead of my legal name! I am livid!! And for this to happen during transgender awareness week, I am appalled. I emailed the coordinator that this is wrong. I didn’t say how upset I was and now am thinking I should have done so. I can’t fucking believe it. I hope it gets fixed or I am withdrawing from the study.

Taylor is on SNL tonight. I don’t know if I am going to be up that late to watch the episode. She is the musical guest so she isn’t going to play her song until the end of the show which will be like midnight or so. I haven’t been up that late in a while. I wish I could record the performance and then watch it sometime tomorrow but I don’t have a DVR.