Tag: baseball

Long Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

I woke up around 0630 today in pain, again. This is getting so old. I haven’t taken a nap all day because I have been on Lesterwatch. It is coming down to Jon Lester signing with the Cubs or the Sox. And looks like there will be another day of anxiety because he can’t come to a decision today. I am so annoyed and frustrated. I want a decision and I want one NOW. But it’s not for me to make. I really would like Lester to be back in a Sox uniform come spring training. I miss him. But if he chooses to be in another uniform, I will be crushed, again.

I had a good session with my therapist today. We didn’t get anywhere with her anxiety problem but we are working on maybe using a code word when I sense she is getting tense to let her know. She really like my last blog post about how I handled the blog commenter. I didn’t know if I made sense as I was writing it while I was sleep deprived. Seems my best writing happens when I am in a sleep deprived state. Go figure. We also talked briefly about my father and his surgery. Then we talked about my pain levels. Told her my back is still out of commission. I just brushed my teeth and by the time I was done in the few minutes it took, while standing, my back spazzed big time. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am supposed to “babysit” my father tomorrow but I don’t know how that is going to go down. This sucks so bad. I can’t be living off Ativan. Maybe I should go to the docs and see what they have to say. Though I KNOW they are just going to just send me to physical therapy, as if that is the cure all for everything. I just have to wait till my appointment on the 22nd. I just hope I can last that long. I am really surprised my back has been out for so long. It has been three weeks now. And I was seeing some improvement until this weekend when I woke up with right hip pain.

The thing about my back pain is that it isn’t radiating down my legs or anything to indicate that it is more than a muscle pull. I know those take time to heal. I have been doing little PT exercises but they have been tough to do with the amount of pain I have been experiencing. In the morning, I can barely turn over to take some meds but once I do, I am fine. I just wish the spasms would stop.

Tomorrow, I have to deal with my father and I am not looking forward to it. But I have to because both my sisters have to work. I just hope that I don’t have to do his fucking laundry or cook him a meal. I just am not up for that. I definitely will be saying to laundry as I can’t be lifting anything with my back being the way it is.

My crazy cousin called me tonight. We chatted about things and about our stresses in life. He says he is doing ok and he sounds ok. I think he wanted to know the scoop about my father more than talk with me. We talked about how our mothers are driving us crazy, though to be fair, his mother is a piece of work. Very needy and attention seeking all the time, and always has to made first. I remember one time I wore a Red Sox hat that had 1937 on it for whatever year the hat design was. She thought I was wearing it to commemorate her birth year. Yeah right. I could care less. I can’t stand that woman and go out of my way to avoid her as much as possible. I don’t need her negativity in my life.

It was and is a really shitty day today so I didn’t go out, again, to get my prescription. Luckily, I am not completely out of it yet. I will be soon, if I don’t get off my ass. I think I will get it tomorrow after I finish with my father. I shouldn’t be there all day. I will just be spending a few hours with him. I will bring my book with me so I can read while he watches TV or lies down or does whatever suits him.

Saturday Blog 5

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide attempt

Saturday Blog 5

It’s another Saturday. I wanted to do nothing today but when I woke up, I really wanted a cup of coffee so I made a cup. I then decided to go to the grocery store to get my own cream so I don’t have to keep taking my sister’s. I also got some American cheese as it was on sale. I don’t know how, but the few things I bought came to about $20. And now I am hurting because I was standing too much while waiting at the deli counter.

I woke up at 0330 in pain. I am starting to think that my pain meds wear off and soon after, I wake up because the pain is so bad. This is the second night in a row that I woke up in the wee hours of the morning. My thoughts got really dark and I started planning my death. I think I even texted my therapist that I was going to do something and this time, she is not going to stop me. I just can’t stand being in pain anymore. It’s exhausting.

Last night I went out to see a friend of mine from Australia. My pain level was medium so I could actually see him without it bothering me too much. And if it did, at least I could rest today. We had a good chat and then he was off to his next destination, NJ (New Jersey for those not familiar with US abbreviations). He messaged me just as I was waking up this morning. I had to laugh out loud when I said who the hell would be wanted to chat at this hour. I am glad it was him telling me he arrived okay and not someone else. I really was not in the mood to talk to someone at 0330! I was in a lot of pain and in a really bad mood.

In baseball news, my boys still suck. They lost to the Skankees last night 6-0. I am glad I didn’t watch the game because I was out with my friend. Then today I find out they called up a rookie only to have him sit on the bench. I am shaking my head at that one. But I think he will play later in the game as Nava doesn’t play complete games. They usually pull him after the 5th inning. I hope they put in the rookie and not Gomes. Gomes has sucked as a pinch hitter and worse as an outfielder. He just doesn’t have the same interest in playing like he did last year. Least that what it looks like to me when I watch him play.

Just realized, I forgot to get cookies while I was at the grocery store. Dammit. Oreo just came out with Reese peanut butter Oreos. They are the BOMB. My niece and I ate the entire package in one day. They were that good! I don’t think I can go back to regular Oreos now. I wish they just sold the chocolate cookies. I can do without the plain crème. Now I want something sweet.

baseball and still being depressed

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression

Interesting day in Baseball world…Manny Ramirez (former Red Sox) is a player/coach to AAA team for the Cubs organization. Josh Beckett (former Red Sox) pitched his first no hitter of the season. And the Sox lose their 10th game in a row, the worst since 1994. I am totally at a loss. There was a brawl in the game today, in the pounding by the Rays. I cannot stand their manager Joe Maddon. He just irks me in the worst way. The reason for the brawl was that there was stolen base that occurred after the Rays scored 5 runs. It was totally not necessary to steal the base but the jerk Escobar thought it was good and then taunted the Red Sox dug out. It was really stupid. Three players got ejected from the game, though I am uncertain why a third player got ejected when only two, that I saw, instigated the brawl. But oh well.

I had a somewhat productive day. I have been up since six. I started doing some reading and I think I am going to write out my highlighted sections of the book that I am reading. It will give me something to do and maybe understand this book better.

Weird that my mother called me and asked if I was still sick. I have no idea what she was talking about. If she meant sick as in depression, I denied it and said I was fine. If she meant sick as in sick, well, I don’t know what gave her that impression. The only person that I have been telling my troubles to is an online friend and I doubt she would have my mother’s number or the inclination to call my mother. It’s just weird.

I still have little appetite. Seems I can only eat one meal a day and anything more than that I get really bloated and sick, even if the meals are hours apart. Last night I had some pizza and it really gutted me. I felt so sick after eating it. Guess my system can’t handle food right now. I am fine with that if it means weight loss!

I got really cold today despite the temperature being in the 60’s. I never get cold unless I am sick, but then I have been feeling run down with the depression. I still have socks on my feet and a long sleeved t-shirt on. I still have not warmed up despite being in my comfort zone (aka my room). I went there to take a nap but my damn foot started up. First it was my right foot with zaps. Then my left ankle decided to act up and hurt really bad. I had to take pain medication because I didn’t want it to get worse. I am very tired and want a damn nap but it’s almost 7 pm (19:00). If I fall asleep now, chances are I will wake up in a couple of hours and then be up all night.

Because it is a holiday weekend in the US (Memorial day), I don’t think I will get paid on Tuesday like I thought I would. It might be Wednesday. Either way I am excited that it will be my first payment for my book sales. I just have to remember to save some money for taxes because they don’t take them out. Doing my taxes next year is going to be interesting.

World Series Champions…AGAIN!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

I am still not sure I can believe it. My beloved Red Sox have won the World Series…Sadly I did not watch all of the game as I was out with friends tonight. I had to recluse myself from social media (Twitter, mostly) and text messaging by turning off my phone. I didn’t turn it back on until I got home and made sure the game was recording first. If it didn’t I would have been beyond pissed.

This has been the third World Series win of my team since the dreaded 1918 curse. Today we kicked 1918 by the wayside again by winning the Series at home. To say that everyone in Boston is in BOSTON would be an understatement! The public transportation around Fenway Park have been closed due to heavy crowds. The place is not going to sleep anytime soon!

I did watch the game, from the beginning. I saw that Pedroia missed a home run in the first inning. Then I saw the lowly Drew step up to the plate and blast a homerun into the bullpen! He has struggled all postseason at the plate. He has some GREAT defensive plays and that is why he is in the lineup despite his offensive struggles. I then saw my buddy Jacoby Ellsbury miss a homerun by a foot. I am really going to miss him on this team. I don’t think he will be back in a Red Sox uniform next year and that will be too bad. I love his speed and his Centerfield glove. I will try and follow him where ever he goes but usually once someone leaves Red Sox Nation, I don’t keep track of them. Once the six runs were scored, I heard fireworks go off and knew that the game was over and a victory was secured. I cried tears of joy but not until I saw the last out by KOJI!! I think he should have shared the MVP with Ortiz.

I live near Boston, about 5 miles away. I wouldn’t be near the city even if you paid me. The crowds are unreal and I hope everyone stays safe. THREE WORLD SERIES CHAMPION RINGS IN 10 YEARS. There is nothing more I need to say.