Tag: blog

Another Slow Day

I have been having another slow day where my thoughts are just not there. I was debating writing this blog. It’s just so hard to write when you can’t think of what to say.

I went to my father’s to do his pills for the week. There was a problem with the pharmacy so we need to wait to get all his pills. I will have to go back tomorrow, something I wasn’t planning on doing. I so wanted to spend the day in bed. Guess that will be Sunday.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed but I didn’t sleep. My head kept calling for my pillow but no sleep came. The pain I had flared up and I think that is why I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate today. I finished off the four ribs that was left over from last night and that has been the only sustenance I have eaten. I did drink an Ensure for my breakfast. I just am not hungry today. All I want to do is lie down.

I think this is the longest that I have gone without an appetite. This has been going on for at least two and a half months. I also have not had much to drink. I have been trying to drink some Powerade but have not been successful so far. I wanted a coffee but my choice was Dunkins and that is just a waste of money. I will try and make coffee tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I made coffee at home.

Walking today was painful. I felt like I was walking in mud again. It was raining and cold. I had an umbrella with me but it kept on going from a misty rain to nothing so there was no point in opening the umbrella. I felt like a zombie today. I really feel out of it and I don’t know why. My psych never responded to the email about the side effects. I hope I don’t have them again. They were awful.

I didn’t get my haircut today. I woke up too late. I am going to try to get it tomorrow morning before seeing my father. But it all depends on if I have energy or not. Right now, I can’t trust that I will have energy. Every thing seems so flat to me. I can’t be more descriptive than that.

I am entering my second week of Zoloft. So far it doesn’t seem to be helping any. And I hope the side effects I experienced last night weren’t a drug interaction between the sertraline and the abilify. That will suck. It was another question I asked my psych about but never got a response. Maybe she is looking into it and hasn’t had a chance to get back to me. I still feel like this medication is not helping me but I know I got to give it time. It’s annoying that you have to wait 2-6 weeks for something to help you when you feel so miserable. I still can’t believe I lost another eight pounds in a week. That will make twenty that I have lost since I lost my appetite over two months ago. I just hope I can keep it off.

I was planning on resting today but I had to go out as it was 60 degrees. The rest of the week is a shit show of cold weather so I wanted to try to go out today. I went and got my roast beef sandwich with onion rings. I couldn’t finish the onion rings but I did the sandwich. I think it’s going to be the only thing I eat today.

I had therapy. Last twenty minutes were tough. I didn’t want to talk anymore. And she kept wanting to. I asked her why she still wants to deal with me. She said I was stuck with her, or something of that nature. I was feeling down and didn’t want to talk about it. There is only so much you can say when you are feeling down. She wanted to make sure I am still taking the sertraline. I don’t know why she has to ask me this every time I talk with her. And it’s not really helping me right now. I feel no difference.

My sister visited my father but he was having a procedure done so missed him. I haven’t heard anything. I haven’t called the floor to see how he is doing. I am taking an off day from him and will get the information second hand through one of my sisters.

I am still feeling very tired and I am in pain. My foot didn’t like walking to the roast beef place but it was worth it. I really like their food. I could have ordered from another place but it’s not the same. I don’t have anything to do tonight at all. I am just going to keep my foot up on my bed and the only time I will be off is to use the bathroom. Maybe I will get some reading done tonight. I can’t say for sure because right now I am having a hard time staying awake. I am just so tired.

I ordered my groceries and they are scheduled to come between 0730 and 930 tomorrow. Early start to my day. After the delivery, I plan on getting a haircut. Then I will come home, shower, relax for a bit, then go to the hospital. This is all tentative, except for the groceries, to how my energy levels are and how much sleep I get.

I had a long tiring day. I didn’t sleep well again. I went to bed around midnight only to wake up five hours later. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I have been up all day. I tried to take a nap after my therapist’s appt but my phone kept going off. I had to keep it on in case the hospital called or my sister did with an update on my father. He was supposed to go for a test today but it got cancelled at the end of the day. He is up first thing tomorrow morning, supposedly. I hope no more emergent cases come up.

My therapy appointment went ok. We talked about how tired I was and she read the latest blog I sent her about cement shoes. She really liked it. She wish I had this creativity without the depression though. You can’t really have one or the other. I have to have the depression to write these things. I toldher I might see her tomorrow and she said it was okay if I didn’t see her. She is worried that my exhaustion level might be too much for the 30 mile drive to her office. I will see how I feel tomorrow. I won’t be stopping by the hospital if I do go. It will be too much for me.

We recapped what my psychiatrist had said to me just as I was ready to leave her office. She said that if the Zoloft doesn’t work out, I can stop it or if I want to stop it I can. She is okay with it. I told my therapist I wasn’t expecting to be on a 50 mg dose. I thought my psych would just give me 25 mg and be done with it. Guess she has other plans for me. My psych also said we can go up to 100 mg if I tolerate it. I was overwhelmed with that idea. I just wanted to be on 25 mg. I started the 50 mg dose last night. I still have no change in my mood and my hopelessness is increasing. I have been on it for almost a week now. I have no side effects so far.

We kept the conversation away from my father. I didn’t want to talk about him at all. Other than giving her an update on where he was at, that was the bulk of the one minute conversation about him. The rest of the session we just talked about how crappy I felt. I swear at one point I was ready to fall asleep. I was just so tired. I have spent that last three days at the hospital. Tomorrow is my break. My ankle just can’t handle another day of traveling. Maybe I will go to my therapist’s office next week. I will just order my groceries tomorrow. I also need to pick up my prescriptions. I hope I don’t have a pain filled night again. Last night was awful.