post 215

Been depressed today. I really didn’t want to do anything but I made a cake and watch game 6 of the ALDS red sox game. I really didn’t do much else. I tried typing up my paper that I wrote last night but I just don’t have the energy to do it. Maybe later.

The urges to cut have been back and forth today. I still have not injured myself. I think it will phase out once I get back to my normal routine with the hormone pills.

I am really pissed off that I can’t convert or burn Carrie Underwood’s CD Carnival Ride, so I have to purchase it again. I can’t even play it because of some license issue. I don’t remember where I bought it, I think I downloaded it at Walmart but I am not sure. This just sucks. More money for music. But I finally found the MP3 of “What hurts the most” so I am happy. I have been going crazy trying to find the Rascal Flatts CD or phone backup that had it. I knew I had it some place and I did. On my old hard drive that is as big as a paperback. I just got a tetrabyte hard drive and it’s like a cassette tape. Those that are older will know what that is. I don’t want to feel old by explaining what it is.

My left leg has been acting up and I just feel like overdosing to escape some where other than where I am at. I might just take some extra Neurontin tonight like I did last night. I just feel like if I don’t do something I am going to go crazy. I just feel so wound up and though I should just start cleaning my room or something I just am so overwhelmed by it that it makes me want to OD more. But I bear it and resist the urges to do so because the last thing I want is a 7 year old finding me in a coma or worse dead.

So yesterday I reformatted my tablet. Totally wiped it out to its original factory settings. In so doing so, I got rid of the encryption that I put on when I had to where I was working. Now I don’t have to. Problem is that I don’t remember what apps I had on there to replace. I know I had my facebook and twitter. Those are my essentials along with wordpress. It was sad that my Zipwhip app was not compatible anymore. My tablet is old as it still is running Android 3.2.1. My phone is running 4.2.1, which is I believe the “Jelly bean” Operating system. Android has funny names for the OS.

any thoughts?

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