nothing man

“she loves him// she doesn’t want to leave this way// she needs him that’s why she’ll be back again”. Better Man, Pearl Jam

This is how therapy goes with me. I need it, she needs me.

****Warning might be triggering****

I was thinking about writing a story about my suicidal thoughts and I think I have it all set. Here goes:

He cuts the length of rope that needs, enough to cover the bed and his neck. He doesn’t know why they don’t sell a smaller rope size. 250 feet is really too long to do the deed for such a small space. All he needed was about 50 or so feet. If they sold it in bulk, he would have asked for that but the Home Depot didn’t. Somerville Lumber did. How he misses working in that store. He misses the people more than he did the regular customers that really kept the business alive.

He figures out the length and then carefully double knots everything so it stays in place. All attention to detail must be made. The biggest fear he has is that the bed will come with him as he hangs out the window. It is a cold day today. Maybe he should put on some heavier clothing, he wonders then laughs at the idea. He hopes God will forgive him as he take the final step out the window. Good-bye world he says, to himself. No one else can hear him. He struggles with the rope around his neck. He wants it off, it is strangling him. He feels like he is going to lose consciousness and finally he does. He just hangs there, lifeless. His task completed. His horror over.