a day of baking in pain

A day of baking in pain

I fell asleep sometime after 2000, only to wake up around midnight. I stayed awake for a few hours. I think I went back to sleep sometime after 0300. I woke up 6 hours later in pain. My back was hurting. It went away after moving about some. I got my spare change and went to Stop and Shop to turn it in and buy a few items. The change came to like $9 and the 3 items I bought, butter, a dozen and a half of eggs, and Cheerios, came to about $7. I went back home.

My foot wasn’t hurting me but once I started preparing for baking, it flared. I made 2 Nantucket cranberry cakes. One was regular and the other was gluten free. I made the gluten free one first. I tasted the batter and it was awful. It left such a nasty after taste that I drank some almond milk to make it go away. It didn’t work. I was really tired after making this one cake so I rested a little bit before making the second one. For some reason, the batter was different. It usually is thick but it wasn’t. It tasted okay with the regular flour. I don’t know why it was thin. I did use a little more vanilla extract than it called for so maybe those extra drops thinned it. I don’t know. It cooked okay. Both cakes kind of caved in after they cooled off, which was weird. That didn’t happen before. My foot was absolutely killing me after I put the 2nd cake in the oven. I put on the timer and then went upstairs to take some pain meds.

I basically just played with my phone for about a half hour or so. My mother needed the oven so she could make dinner. I was waiting all day for my PT to respond to my emails about resuming PT. Apparently, their facility needs clearance after a hospital admission, even though I was admitted for psych not medical. So weird. I emailed my psychiatrist and asked her to contact my PT to clear me. I see the PT next Tuesday. She wants me to do a pain and restorative function program but I am not sure I want to do it. It meets like twice a week and it is an all day thing where you go in at like 0830-1430 or so. It’s a combination of meeting with a pain doc, an OT, and PT. It sounds pretty intensive and I am not sure I am up for it as my stamina has not been so great. My former PCP wanted me to try it but I never got a chance to even look at it as my father got sick and then died. It was hard to deal with at the time juggling everything. I don’t know if I want to continue in the PT this therapist has because I just am not motivated to do the things she wants me to do. The depression is making everything harder and just getting out of bed is a hassle.

I went to the Dell website and tomorrow I will be getting the laptop I want. It is just a little more than $250. I hope I budgeted right. I am getting my haircut tomorrow for the RMV. I really don’t want my pic to be a Chia pet right now as my hair is all over the place. I hope I am not there all day. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow morning so I will be wearing my AFO instead of the boot. I set my alarm for 0715 so I can catch the 747 bus. The barbers open at 0830. I want to be in and out. Hope there are no bus delays, I won’t be happy if there are.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

2 thoughts on “a day of baking in pain”

  1. your busy busy! I am glad the cakes turned out good! You’ll be looking all dapper with a new haircut 😀 happy thanksgiving early I know its not actually thanksgiving there yet 😛 xxx

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