bored to tears

Tonight my mother will be making fish. I saw the heads and tails were still on them. I won’t be eating that tonight, because ewww. I know that is how they come but her having to dissect them just freaks me out. And it is tilapia, which I don’t particularly like anyways. It’s a very thin fish that just doesn’t taste very good after it’s been thawed out. I’d rather have cod or haddock.

I have been pretty bored today. And my foot is a jerk. Just when I wanted to take a shower to go out, it starts hurting really bad. All I did was move it a little bit and it explodes in pain. I had to wait for pain meds to calm it down some so I could shower. By the time I was done showering, my hip went on strike. I give up. I guess I am not going to go to Walgreens to see if they have the new Oreos S’Mores cookies. I will try again tomorrow.

I was looking for a photo mailer to mail a pic for a friend. I have been meaning to send it to him and I just came across it. I failed to find it, which is why I wanted to go to Walgreens, too. I need a couple of mailers as I have some stuff to send out. Why must pain always dictate what I do? It totally sucks. And seeing that I am incapacitated, I decided to write a review for a research article I came across while looking for the mailer. I must have at least three copies, if not more, of this article. I thought it was a good idea but then the pain meds turned my brain to mush. Now I can barely write this blog. I am kind of blunted in my thinking patterns. It also doesn’t help that my vision seems to be impaired. I have been having a hard time focusing today for some reason. I really think it is because I have been solely using single vision lenses for the past month and not my progressive glasses. I can’t wait till next week when I can order them. I really hope that they can make the lenses out of the existing frames that I have. I really don’t want to buy another set of frames. I have too many old pairs of glasses laying around my room. I am also hoping that if the glasses don’t cost me that much, I can get a new phone. My phone keeps acting up and it’s pissing me off. Yesterday my therapist was calling and it took four rings for the stupid call answer button to come on. I am just glad it didn’t go to voicemail by then. Usually the call answer button comes on before the number even registers but this time it was the reverse. I am so done with this phone. And if I can’t use it as a fricken phone, what is the point of it?? My therapist was kind of in distress last night. She doesn’t know what she did, but she erased all my text messages that I sent her. She was literally panicking when we were talking about it. I kept telling her it was ok, that I am sure it’s there but hidden some how. After we talked, I sent her a text of my latest short story. She said it was the only text from me. OOPS. I think she needs another phone, too, but that will give her super anxiety. I find it funny and I do laugh. She is just so anti-technology, I just don’t get it. I mean, I use my phone for emails, texts, Twitter, Facebook, and the main thing, a phone. She just uses it for texts and phone.

I am going to write the review for that article. It will be another blog post and I will share it with my therapist friends on Twitter. I haven’t written a review in some time and it will give me something to do. I have written about this article in other papers that I have written, but never solely on this material.

I thought about editing the blog I wrote the other day but didn’t. It just seems like I don’t have the brain power to get my thoughts coherent enough to put on paper. And it’s very hard to write when you have a foot that explodes just because it feels like it. Also sucks when you stand up and your hip decides to go wonky. I hate being in pain all the time, every single fucking day. It just takes so much out of me and I end up doing nothing. Then I am bored to tears. I just want to give up. Just take my life and end things so that I won’t be suffering anymore. Because me not even being able to write because my brain turns to mush due to the medications I have to take to control my pain, just sucks.