Waste of Time

Waste of time

I went to the hospital today to request a copy of my MRI. I figured it would be faster than waiting for the doctor to call me. I waited three hours for them to call me and it was wasted. I never got a call. By then I was hungry. I didn’t have the breakfast sandwich like I wanted because Starbucks was crowded and with my paranoia/voices, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to sit down. So I just had a latte and left.

My therapist was able to call me and we chatted a little bit. I told her that the paperwork had sent me over the edge. She was willing to provide what I needed but I told her she didn’t have to because it had to be sent in by Sunday. She also said we had to discuss what we wanted to say and everything. I think what is going to happen is that my therapist is going to have to write a letter saying that I cannot work due to my mental illness.

The lady I left a message with saying that my condition has changed never called me today. So much for calling right away. A lot of people I am waiting to hear back from, most importantly, my surgeon. I called his office while waiting and supposedly the message is on his desk. And of course, he is in surgery. I really hope I hear from him today.

While I was waiting for the records department to call me, I was contemplating going to the psych ER. But I knew that if I went, I would be hostage to them until I was seen and released. The whole idea didn’t appeal to me. But then my therapist called and put those ideas to rest. Today the voices are still rowdy but not as bad as they were yesterday.

I got to take a shower tonight. I need to leave early tomorrow for my psychiatrist’s appointment. It will be the first time seeing her since her hip replacement surgery. I haven’t seen her in a little over a month. It will be good to see her. I hope she doesn’t want me in the hospital. She knows stress always makes me psychotic.

I am very sad today. I found out that my friend’s dog, who had cancer, passed away this morning. I also found out this morning that Alan Rickman, the actor that played Snape in the Harry Potter series, passed. I was ready to bawl when I found out about the dog but I held it in. I couldn’t risk another day of getting a headache from crying.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Waste of Time

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I’m sorry about the dog, that would really get to me, I adore animals and cant stand it when they die. I’m glad your therapist is gonna write you a letter, I hope that does the trick. Hope the psych doc apt went well too. XX

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s