Back Pain and Other Things

I am not feeling really well today. My back is still kinked up, making it hard to move and get around. I am watching my niece and just made her lunch. Now I need to rest for a bit. It is still pretty cold out. She and her cousin went out for a little bit. I went outside to see where they were but couldn’t see where. I panicked a little bit but they came home like five minutes later, much to my relief.

I was able to sneak upstairs to my room for therapy. It was another boring session. She tried to get me to get out of the trapped feeling but it’s no use. I need to do what I need to do. I know she may not like it but oh well. I really don’t care. I told her our time next week might be disrupted because my father needs to see his doctor. She didn’t like that idea. I’m going to call tomorrow and see if I can set up an appointment Wednesday. That day is supposed to be bad with weather so I might have to do it Thursday. It would be better if we can see him Friday. Then I don’t have to worry about missing therapy.

I have been listening to Eric Church via my earbuds for most of the afternoon. I find that it’s helping to pass away time while my niece and cousin do their own thing. They are watching a movie now. I am tired and really want a nap but that would be derelict in my duties so I need to stay awake. The 600 mg of IB I took seems to be helping my back pain. I can move a little better, but I still am not standing straight.

Aside from feeling physically awful with my back, I am feeling miserable mood wise. I am glad the kids aren’t talking with me because I am not in the mood to talk to anyone. I am just not talkative today. My thoughts are slow too. Just to read ten pages in a book was painful. I don’t think I am going to read anymore today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up every couple of hours because of back pain. Every time I moved, I hurt. I kept having to switch sides and it hurt really bad. I hope the temp stays where it is so I can recover.

I did some research today via the web. It was useful and I can draw on it to make a story out of it. I just got to think of it. But today is not the day. I am much to tired. I wish it was four already so I could go up to my room and sleep. I don’t have much of an appetite today. I had a sandwich for breakfast and a banana. That’s been it along with some apple juice. I am sure the reason for not being hungry is because I am depressed. I just don’t care about anything anymore.

I found out what my therapist wanted me to write the other day. She wanted me to write about her caring about me. There, I wrote it. Probably not what she intended me to write but oh well. That is all that I have to say on the matter.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Back Pain and Other Things

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope your back settles down soon. And the depression lifts a little. I am still way behind on posts. I will catch up some day. XX

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