I met with my psychiatrist today. We talked about all that has been happening since I last saw her. I had a smile on my face but she wasn’t fooled by the mask. I told her I had no appetite and lost weight. She was a little concerned. She is more concerned about the episode that happened on Sunday. She wants me to call her the next time it happens. She wanted to go up on the Zoloft but I told her I didn’t. I want to see if it will work at 50 mg before I increase it. It’s only been a week and a day since the increase. Got to give it some time to work, even though I want it to work instantly. I just wish the hopelessness would abate for a little while.
I got my letter from my doc about disability. Now I just got to mail it. I will do it tomorrow. There are a few books I got to send out to a couple potential reviewers. I never thought I would be giving away my book for free but I am. Unfortunately, I still haven’t had one review back from the free give aways.
I have been in a depressed mood for most of the day. I told my psych I wanted to jump off a bridge. If the Tobin was more accessible to me, I think it might be a possibility. But I am afraid of heights so I don’t see that happening. When I told my psych about staring at a bottle of pills I am grateful she didn’t ask which one. She knows I have enough medication to kill a horse. And she knows my knowledge of medication.
I texted my therapist to see if I could see her tomorrow or at least have a check in and she is back to back. But she will try to call me. I hope there is a cancellation. I think it’s good to keep her in the loop too. My psych also said today that she appreciates the little emails I send her about how I am doing.
I haven’t had any food today. I had an Ensure and a soy latte that I didn’t even finish. I just couldn’t drink the last four ounces or so. My psych wants me to eat but it’s not so simple as that. I am getting hungry but I don’t know what to eat. It’s a toss up between a black bean burger and tuna sandwich. I am leaning toward the tuna sandwich because it’s more filling.
My ankle gave way the last block on the way home. It just didn’t want to flex as I took each step. I have it up and took a pain pill. Now I got to go down the stairs and it isn’t going to be happy. I have pretzels in my room but I don’t feel like eating them. I should have bought a protein bar when I was at Walgreens today.