trouble writing and other things

trouble writing and other things

Today’s Daily word Prompt was “Brick”. I had a vague idea of how I was going to write about this word, but it never materialized. I checked to see if the story I wrote about brick walls was published and it was. A lot has changed since I published that story almost two years ago.

I was set to write about “brick” at Starbucks. I must have stared at the notepad for twenty minutes before I decided to give it up. The story should have been written when I was thinking about it. I should have written some notes or something. Now the email will get filed in my WP Prompt folder. This folder has the word prompts that I mean to write about when I get a chance to really think of something to write.

I feel pretty good today. I went to my appointment. She was late, as usual, but she did print out my prescription before she came to the exam room. I told her about my Achilles. She wanted an X-ray of my ankle so I didn’t say anything about it being useless. An MRI would give better detail, unless there is a foreign body in my ankle. She thinks it’s just inflammation but she is having me see an ankle specialist anyway. She said that office should call me sometime next week. We’ll see about that. The last time my PCP’s office said that a specialist was going to call me, they never did. I had to call them.

I am guessing my copays for my medications are free now. This is the second time I didn’t have a copay. Next week I need to refill most of my meds. It’s going to be fun to see what I have to pay for and what I don’t. All my meds are generics but some cost more than others. It’s kind of stupid because I am not paying for the brand name so I don’t understand why, for example, the Zoloft is $2 but my trileptal is $20. BOTH are generics yet there is a huge difference in price.

I talked about the possibility of talking with a grief counselor and the NP said that would be a good idea. Now I really need to find her card. I think I know where it is hiding. Maybe she can help me finish writing the essay as I will be seeing her in person. I keep thinking about when I last gave my father the medication for his secretions. I keep wondering if his breathing had changed to the point where the end was closer and I just wasn’t paying attention to it. He died approximately a half hour later. And even if his breathing did change, what was I supposed to do? It’s not like I was going to perform CPR or something to prolong his life. It just haunts me and I can’t get the image out of my head. Mostly because that was the last time I saw my father alive.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to trouble writing and other things

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    glad your ankle is being looked at hope they find the cause of the severe pain. sorry the grief is so overwhelming. there really wasnt anything else you could have done. xxx

  2. bipoblogger says:

    Wow. And we have the nerve as so called humans to give each other trouble? You never know what the next person is going through. Please find comfort in the fact that your father is no longer suffering, he is now peacefully at rest.

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