A Lot of Things on My Mind

A Lot of Things on My Mind

Since I responded to that Psychology Today article, I have receiving emails from whoever comments on it. No one has responded to my comment. But from what I gather from the comments, people are pretty upset, mostly chronic pain folks.

The sauce I made is almost gone. There are about two cups left of the batch I made. I can’t believe it because this time I used two cans of tomatoes. It did come out really good. I wasn’t able to put in the ground beef I wanted to but I will make another batch, in a larger pan, next week. My sister and brother-in-law really loved it, which is why it’s gone! LOL

I have been in a depressed state for most of the day. I really wanted to change my sheets this weekend but now the weekend is over and the sheets are still not changed. I will do it hopefully tomorrow. I still need to clear off my bed. There is not that much stuff left as I have been slowly removing stuff when I walk by. I have no idea where I am going to place the three books that are in that spot. I guess I will add it to the pile that is by my hamper.

I haven’t been feeling suicidal but I have been thinking about it. Mostly, I just been thinking about what it would be like not being alive anymore. I try not to think about it because then I will start planning and that will not be good.

I have changed my name on my blog as the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network (TSPN) outed me. Instead of being Midnightdemons7, I am G. Collerone. I really didn’t want to do it but the more that I am out, the better things will be. I don’t think I will ever work again so I don’t think there is a chance future employers will look at my blog. My domain will still be midnightdemon.com. I won’t change that as I like it too much.

After I made the sauce, my ankle flared up. I had to take some pain medication to calm it back down. I rested for the first time all day. I was just about to go to sleep when my cousin called me. He owed me money and was giving it back to me. My ankle didn’t like going up and down the stairs to meet him. It also didn’t like me taking a shower afterwards. But I needed a shower because I felt icky with my menses and stuff.

I meet with the ankle surgeon this week for the lump that is on my Achilles. I know that I will have to go for an MRI to see if there is any damage to the Achilles. I want the lump removed. It is just painful and shouldn’t be there. It’s kind of funny, I was thinking about surgery and then what will I do for my father’s appointments. I still have him on my mind. I hope I won’t be too laid up with it. Tomorrow will mark six weeks that he has been gone.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to A Lot of Things on My Mind

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I think the first year after a death is always the hardest. at least it was that way when my grandad passed away last year. he’s been dead a year now and only now is it getting easier. glad the sauce turned out good. thinking of you. xoxo

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