Everyone is against me

Everyone is against me

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and they wouldn’t give it to me without verifying it with the doctor. So instead of getting 30 pills, I am getting 10 because my doc doesn’t trust me. I don’t fucking know. I sent her an angry email. I know more about the trilafon than the damn pharmacist filling the thing because I was on it when she was in fucking diapers. I have been on this medication since I was 16! I think I know how to fucking take it and how not to fucking take it and my doctor knows this. She trusts me. Least I think she does. I don’t know. I am so fucking paranoid right now it’s not funny.

While waiting in line while the pharmacists were talking there was a heavy breathing man behind me. I was freaking out because hello, personal space! Then before I logged off the computer, there was a hashtag going on Twitter about aliens. I had to shut down the browser. I mean, is this really happening to me, of all fucking days?? I am ready to admit myself because I am so fucking paranoid. I have never been so fearful in my damn life than I have been today. I don’t fucking feel safe in my own skin.

The voices are feeding off this fear. Only a matter of time before they tell me off. I got my toy and encrypted my documents that were on my laptop. I had to keep the password in my app so I remember it. I forget it and it’s bye bye data. Seriously don’t know what to do with myself. Sox rookie pitcher sucks. 3 pitches in and he gives up a 2 run home run. Yea, this is the guy we need. NOT. I am too fidgety to watch baseball right now because I am still irked by the pharmacists. I should talk to the older one and tell her she should have verified with MY doctor before filling the damn thing if she had questions to start with. Dammit. I mean what the actual fuck. Keeping me waiting while it gets sorted out while I am all fucking paranoid is not fucking good. Yes, I know there is an interaction between the medicines. Yes, guess what… my doc knows too! So what the hell is the damn problem?? Just give me my medicine and I will be on my way to take it as I fucking need it, like prescribed!! Not the “oh this medicine is not a PRN medicine”. SINCE FUCKING WHEN?? I have always taken this drug as a PRN. It’s my go to drug when I am fucking off my rocker. AND while I was in the hospital I was on 3 times as much as what my doc is prescribing me. UGH. I am so damn annoyed. But they are out to get me fucking more crazy than I already am. They are against me. They all are. I can’t wait to see if my doc responds to my email. Or emails. I asked her nicely and this is how I get treated. Like a drug seeker novice that doesn’t know about medicines. I am so irked. SHIT HEADS all of them. I wonder if they were infected with parasites too.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders, Paranoia, psychosis and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Everyone is against me

  1. I see. Please forgive me if I’m asking too many questions ): I once took Zoloft for depression one month and couldn’t stand the nausea and insomnia. I really am just curious. Thank you for responding.

  2. G. Collerone says:

    pretty much, least for psych meds anyway. I also take other meds for my various medical conditions

  3. Are the meds you take now for similar reasons as when you started? (That’s four years shy of my age, 24…)

  4. w0w. how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?

  5. G. Collerone says:

    24 years and counting

  6. Out of curiosity, how long have you been taking meds?

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