Sunday Blog 16

Sunday Blog 16

I slept mostly all day today. I didn’t have coffee because I didn’t feel like making it. I would have had to clean the French press as my mother didn’t do it last night. I just wasn’t up to it because the sink was already full of dishes. I don’t understand how one person (my mother) can have so many dishes in a few hours. Drives me crazy.

I had a scary dream before I woke up due to sirens in my neighborhood. All I remember is that it was desert place and then it became an icy place. I kept going around in circles and the storm that was brewing was getting worse with howling winds. It was really creepy. I felt like I was in one of Neil Gaiman’s fantasy worlds or something. And there was a song that I never heard before blaring as sort of the theme song as I was making my travels. So weird.

Now I have Brad Paisley’s new song in my head that has been the case for the past 48 hours. I took a trilafon this morning to quiet it out and obviously, it didn’t work. It’s worse if I actually hear the song because then the music just gets louder in my head.

I had the left over Chinese food when I got up around 1500. I would have stayed up and watched the game but Steve Lyons was broadcasting and I can’t stand him. So I turned off the TV and went back to my cave. I didn’t last too long. I think I spent like 15 minutes into BPD chat before I got really tired and had to go nap again. I don’t know why I am so fucking tired. I haven’t done anything all day. I haven’t even read my book. I do need to eat something as my stomach is rumbling. Might have some pop tarts. They are always good in a pinch.

While I was dreaming, I dreamt that my psychiatrist emailed me and told me basically that I couldn’t email her anymore. She was tired of the “urgency” of the emails. I felt bad because I didn’t think I sent anything “Urgent” to her in the last few days, just blogs that I wrote. But it was just a dream as I checked my email and there wasn’t anything from her when I woke up.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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