Adler and Espresso

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up till after 0200 and didn’t want to wake up early despite my mother calling me around 10 to put something defrosting in the fridge. I slept till around 1300 and forced myself to get up. I had to anyway because I had to go to the bathroom. I then flitted on the laptop until it was time to get dressed to catch the bus.

I had 5 shots espresso today and it was really strong. Maybe because I didn’t really dilute it that much with soy milk like I did yesterday. If I go out tomorrow, I will just get 4 shots. I read the chapter I am working on. I now know why Adler lost many followers with his psychology, even though by outward appearance it looks good. It really denounces psychopathology and I feel “blames” the patient for their shortcomings. I hate psychology like that. I doubt you could be suicidal with this type of therapist, which is sad.

There is a workshop going on in Texas right now called Stop Texas Suicides, or something like that. I have been following because my favorite people are there, including Jobes. I adore him. He is my hero. I hope someday I am as good a therapist as he is, if I ever go back to school to finish my degree.

My mother was bitching at me today because I went to Starbucks. She doesn’t understand that I need to get out of the house. Yes, I have coffee for the house but if I drink it, I can’t really go out and have coffee at Starbucks. I am sure people just go there with their own coffee and just sit and use their wifi or read the paper or book. But I feel that is not right. Plus I like buying their sandwiches and having the espresso drinks. I doubt I can ever get an espresso machine. I really would never leave the house. And besides, there is something different when someone makes the drink for you than you making it yourself.

My Starbucks funds are starting to run low so tomorrow I will be having coffee at home. I just hope I can read the chapter while at home. I am more than half way through so I know I can finish it by this weekend. And even though it’s 62 pages, the last 5 or so are references and other crap relating to Adler so it’s not really reading text.

I have had to start putting when I take the trilafon in my medication app so I know when I last took my medication. Last night I was in a quandary as to whether or not I took my evening dose and didn’t want to double up if I did take it. It’s difficult because I don’t put the med in with my night meds because sometimes I don’t need the extra dose. It’s so hard to keep track of when I take it.

Despite drinking all that espresso, I feel a nap coming on. I am just worn out with the heat. I made dinner tonight for my mother and I. We had hamburgers so I got to use the rolls that I bought. I didn’t buy more meat but I will if I do decide to go out tomorrow. I have gone out three days this week. But I got a lot accomplished. If only I can decide what book to read next, I would be set. That was part of the reason I couldn’t sleep last night. I wanted to read something but couldn’t decide what. I really wanted to read some more Adler but the chapter was on the first floor and I didn’t want to go down and get it. I had already done my share of stair climbing that day. And I did today too, because I left my glasses in my bag. I probably will grab it later, if I feel like it.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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