Another Two Errand Day

Another Two Errand Day

I was watching my niece for most of the day while my sister went to the beach. My niece didn’t want to go. I had to mail my disability paperwork and pick up my prescription from the pharmacy. My niece didn’t want to walk with me so I went by myself. My ankle didn’t want to go either but it had no choice. I was pretty sore when I came home. I didn’t want to go up two flights of stairs to get a pain pill as I was sweating and I knew that exertion would cause me to sweat more. So I dried off and then sat on my sister’s bed with the fan going as I didn’t want to turn on the AC as every window in the house was open.

Last night I wrote a very depressing letter to my therapist, basically telling her I was going to kill myself and she should let me go, that there is no point in continuing sessions. I really don’t want to resume therapy next week when she is back. I was talking with someone in a Facebook group about this and apparently, we both feel the same when our therapists go on vacation. She didn’t know my background though or that I was planning on ending my life.

I also wrote to my psychiatrist because the pain was bad around midnight and I was having a hard time trying to sleep. I haven’t heard back from her either. I plan on writing her another email saying the pain is better, at least for now anyways.

I’m finally getting my pizza tonight for my babysitting duties. I am so excited, LOL. I hope they make it greasy and cheesy. I have been craving this pizza for weeks. I need my pizza fix and I didn’t get it this month. Mostly because I miscalculated my funds. I hate when that happens. I am going to try to do better this month.

I am ordering groceries tomorrow so I don’t have to eat out. I just hope it lasts a month as I can’t go weekly shopping. I just don’t have the funds. Besides, ordering online is so much easier than having to go to the store and drag the bags up the stairs. Only thing that I will need to buy at the meat market are burgers.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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