College Football Blues

College Football Blues

I am not meant to watch my college football games for week 1 today. I have to get updates from Twitter or ESPN. I couldn’t even watch the UCLA game today because it was not within my network. I was watching the Georgia/NC game as I had my dinner. It was some kind of satisfaction I guess.

The past few hours, Peter Pan (song by Kelsea Ballerini) has been running through my fucking head and I can’t turn it off. If I don’t think about it (hard to do, by the way), it switches to a mumbling David Nail song. I think I found out what it was this afternoon but I seemed to have forgot it now. I had his songs on repeat to drown out the noise in my head. I texted my therapist that I just want my head to be quiet but it’s not happening. I forgot to take my trilafon at 1 like I usually do today. I get to take my second dose soon.

My Sox don’t play for another hour. The new rookie they have been raving about all season, Yoan Moncada, is starting tonight. I think he is from Cuba, which makes him special. We’ll see. I don’t buy into the hype. They always rush these players and then they are a flop. Like Benitendi. They rushed him up from single-A and then he hurt his ankle.

I am really upset I am not watching the Huskers tonight. I should have checked the schedule so I wouldn’t be so disappointed. But then, I had other plans for today. I doubt I will be awake enough to listen to the ball game. My favorite announcer has the flu so someone else is filling in for him. I’m not a big fan of his. I just don’t find his analysis interesting and his voice is just irritating. And my other favorite TV announcer isn’t on TV until the 15th so there is no point in watching TV. I am stuck just watching Twitter tweets or checking MLB.com. Sadly, I am paying extra in my cable bill for this channel I refuse to watch when my favorite TV guy isn’t on. I don’t think that is fair, but I have no say in the network. Only reason I haven’t cut my bill is that my mother’s channels would also be cut. She pays for my internet so that is the pay off. She watches TV and I have internet.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, college football, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s