Did too much today

Did too much today

I took my oldest niece out for dinner tonight. Least I thought I was going to until she took the check from me. We had a good time and the food was good. I took her to my favorite Thai place in Boston. She loves their Pad Thai. I had their drunken chicken dish as I haven’t had it in so long. We talked about a lot of things and had some good laughs. It’s so weird that she is an adult and we can have an adult conversation when I used to change her diaper and put her to sleep. I miss those days, not the diaper changing though.

I was surprised I wasn’t hurting more than I was because I had gone to Walgreens to do an errand for my mother. My calves are still hurting a little bit from climbing up the hill to get to the Zipcar yesterday. It was a miracle I could walk at all today. I took my book with me to edit and read about 20 pages. I can’t believe what I wrote and how good it sounds. The parts that I wanted to delete I am leaving in because it just adds to the story of mental illness and the struggle with it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was.

I was having fun editing, if that is possible. I was adding stuff and switching things around. Some things didn’t make sense or were too wordy so I rearranged it. The hard part is now I have to input these changes in the word document. I have made so many changes to this chapter of the book. I must have read it a thousand times and each time I find something new to add or take away. I guess it’s the perfectionist in me. I thought that part of me was long gone but I guess it never goes away. You always want things “just so”.

I might have trouble sleeping because I had 4 shots of espresso late in the afternoon. I went to Starbucks later than I usually go but I really have fallen in love with it. I had therapy today. It went okay. She said that I was “cute” in the selfie that I sent her. I told her I look like goofball and a couple of other choice words that aren’t politically correct to mention. I just attempted to take another one in the bathroom and it took several tries because I kept cutting my head off and just took a pic of the camera. I am so bad at this. I think I need one of my nieces to help me take selfies. I also told her that I don’t have Body Dysmorphic Disorder and she agreed but I do have elements of it, whatever that means. She is hoping that by the time my book is ready to be published I will have changed the views of myself. Good luck with that. Today she had me say “I deserve it” but I have no clue what she was talking about. I said it without any conviction or truth.

She loved the pumpkin fluff I gave her. She ate the whole thing. I couldn’t believe it. She has a worse sweet tooth than I do. She is going to go out of her mind when I make this next pumpkin goodie. I hope to make it this weekend, if I get my ass to the grocery store to get the ingredients. I hate that you can’t do small grocery orders online otherwise I would have ordered it already. You need to order at least 60 or 70 bucks worth of stuff before Peapod will deliver. I don’t need that much stuff because I just went shopping. I still am pissed they sent me the wrong pumpkin. Otherwise, I would be set to make this cake. I really miss having Star Market across the street from me. It was so convenient. But it closed soon after the super Stop and Shop opened down the street.

Last night was another difficult night sleeping. My ankle was throbbing like a robin. It didn’t settle down until I took a strong pain pill followed by some regular pain meds a few hours later. I wish I had a mini freezer in my room to hold an ice pack. I should buy disposable ones but that will get expensive. My foot was swollen so that was why it was hurting so much. It’s starting to throb now so I should take some pain meds. I haven’t taken them yet because I wasn’t in pain or at least my pain wasn’t intolerable. I always have a low grade pain but for some reason, night time always flares it up to a 6 or 7. Then when I lie down, it jumps to a 9 or above. I hope I don’t have to take another strong pain pill tonight. I have been using them more often and I don’t like to. It’s just that the pain has been so severe, I have had no choice. It’s either go over my daily allotment of regular pain meds or take the strong pain pill. Until I see an MD to manage my pain properly, I am just winging it the best I can.

Advertisements

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Did too much today

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I love pad thai too! What is the dish you had called and how does it taste? Like whats in it? Glad you had a good meal out with your niece though. I am looking forward to reading your book when it comes out. is it coming out on kindle? xxx

    also you might want to follow my friends blog matters to sam, her name is sam and she is blind, and has anxiety, depression, ptsd and struggles with self harm. http://matterstosam.wordpress.com/

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s