Another Sleepy Sunday

Another Sleepy Sunday

I woke up in pain after sleeping for about 7 hours. I fell asleep around 3 am. I made breakfast and was going to make coffee but I had just taken my pain meds so there would be no point. I knew I was off back to dreamland soon enough. I fell back asleep just as the Pats game was starting.

My mother called me to make dinner. I said okay and rolled over back to sleep. She called me about 45 minutes later saying it was done. Oops. I had dinner and then took a shower hoping it would wake me up a little bit. My brother in law finally installed the new heater so I didn’t freeze when I took my shower. It was nice.

I saved my therapist a piece of the delicious cake I made yesterday. I shared it with my family last night and they loved it. So there is just enough for me to eat over the next few days. I have gained a few pounds and I don’t care. I weighed myself before I took a shower. I wasn’t happy but I don’t care. I will have cake dammit! I know I should be watching what I have been eating but lately, any food intake I have is a miracle because I just can’t find the energy sometimes to cook.

I have been thinking of calling Nutrisystem and see how much it would be to get on their program. It’s a weight loss program and the food looks decent. I don’t know if it really is or not and I know the food is separate. I had a friend that went on it but she never really did it or ate the food. I just know if I can get the weight off, I can keep it off. But I have never been good at keeping track of calories and such. I hope it isn’t expensive and easy to manage.

With me taking all these pain meds, I am really backed up. I can’t remember the last time I went, which isn’t good. I have been taking senna but it doesn’t seem to be enough. If I didn’t have to go out tomorrow, I would take some fiber pills. Or I might delay my trip into downtown for another day. I’m not feeling that uncomfortable but I know I need to go before it’s like week of not going. Sucks when you have a nerve injury and need stuff to help push things along. I hate it. Then when I am more regular, I have loose stools and those are wicked fun because they lead to accidents.

I feel really exhausted even though I slept for most of the day. Staying up till 0300 for the past three nights have not been good. I try to settle down for bed before midnight but it never works out that way because of fucking pain. I take my night meds usually between 8-9 pm. The only time that varies is if I am out, which is rare. So I should be asleep by 2300, theoretically.

My crayons came today. I am so excited that I got an adult coloring book and crayons. But I am not going to use it until I change my sheets. That is one goal that has to happen. I have to clean off my bed, which I was hoping to do today but my ankle had other plans. I would ask one of my sisters to help me but they always want me to clean my entire room rather than focus on the one thing that I have control over (changing my bedding). So rather than listen to them bitch, I don’t ask. And despite me sleeping all fucking day, my damn ankle is not grateful. It’s still hurting me. Going to be a long night!

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

One thought on “Another Sleepy Sunday”

  1. that was me yesterday…sleeping almost all day. I needed the rest though that’s what I keep telling myself. surprisingly I was able to sleep all night too so I really must have needed the rest. xxx

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