Post 2000

Finally Tired

I am pretty tired after all the things I did today. I haven’t heard from my psychiatrist and if I don’t hear from her tomorrow, then I guess we are good and we will talk on Friday when I see her. I texted my therapist all the pics of the cake. It came out really sweet so I think next time I am going to use less caramel sauce. The cake was really soupy from the milk/caramel concoction but it was really good. My therapist and her sweet tooth are going to have a field day.

Nebraska won their game in the final quarter. It was sweet! Indiana made an interception and the game was over. It was great. They won 27-22. Right now OSU is losing 10-3. It’s a late game so I am not sure I am going to be up the whole game. I am really tired.

I didn’t realize when you buy a CD (the physical disc), Amazon gives it to you digitally as well. That is so sweet because it saves me from having to transfer to my laptop to my phone. I hate doing that because the tracks usually need to be modified in some form and this album that I bought has two discs so it’s like 22 songs. A lot of editing. But I don’t have to do that because Amazon is downloading it to my phone as we speak so I don’t have to.

I haven’t taken any pain meds since I woke this afternoon. I hope that I don’t have a night of pain like I did last night. Last night wasn’t horrible as nights in the past, but it brought out the suicidality intolerance that I have to the brink. I also told my psychiatrist in the email I sent her, that if it wasn’t for a family member finding me, I would have tried something by now. I find it odd that she hasn’t responded.

I had to wear a long sleeve shirt tonight. It’s cold in my room and I usually have the ceiling fan going. Not tonight. It’s almost 45 degrees out and my mother doesn’t have the heat on. I wanted to take a shower but my damn brother in law still hasn’t fixed the heater in the bathroom yet. He is supposed to fix it this weekend. I am not holding my breath.

At least several of my friends and news reporters have said that “red sox nation” has to root for the Cubs. Bullshit. Not this Sox fan. I am against their manager John Maddon so he can go fuck himself. I am sorry to say that to a team of talented players who probably deserve a win but their skipper doesn’t. I can’t stand him, even when he played with the Rays. I think he is a cheat, though I can’t prove it.

OSU just took the lead! I will be so happy if they are able to keep it. It’s now the 4th quarter. Maybe I will stay up a little longer.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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