Back Pain, editing and other things

Back Pain editing and other things

I think I had a good night sleeping because I woke up around 0900. I had to go to the bathroom but my mother was using it to get washed and dressed. I waited till she was done so I could brush my teeth. I had back pain throughout but I managed. I really wanted to go out today but walking around the house while waiting to use the bathroom helped ease out the kinks.

After the bathroom, I decided to say fuck the back pain and go out. I really wanted to try and get a huge chunk of editing done and, of course, get my espresso. I waited for time to pass as I was early for the bus. I was debating going to the pharmacy to drop off my prescription but I wasted too much time and had enough time to get dressed and to get to the bus stop in time. I took a pain pill for the back pain and left.

Starbucks had this promotion where if you bought three items, you collected 150 points. Today I bought the third item with my espresso drink. Then I got to work on my book. The first few stories were fine and didn’t need too much editing. The fourth story was a mess, formatically. Apparently, word decided that every paragraph needed its own page. I was in a panic because I had no idea how to fix this. And there was not much I could do about it then because I wasn’t at home. I moved on to the next story and sort of noticed the same pattern. I was freaking out. It was too late to catch the bus at 1230 so I had to wait an hour for the next one. I decided to get something to eat and then write in my journal. Starbucks had their turkey stuffing sandwich, which I love, so I had that for breakfast/lunch.

Fixing this format error was killing me. I was hoping that saving the document as a txt and then loading it in a new doc would fix the problem. It worked. I then started playing with the next story to see if I can manipulate it to be not so spread out but it wouldn’t work. I would have to do the same thing and by that time, I was so stressed out, I said forget it and will save it for another day. I am not sure I can fix it because it’s a new paragraph and there is just an inch of space on the preceding page so it might not be that big of a deal, even though it bothers me. I don’t know if the rest of the book is like this or not. I hope not because it will totally fucking suck to save this as a txt and then transform it to a document, play with the fonts and add paragraphs (txt takes them away) and then paste it in the main file. I have over 70 pages to do this with and it will be such a pain in the ass to do.

Before I came home to this editing bullshit, I went and dropped my prescription at the pharmacy. To my surprise, they didn’t go ballistic on the prescription and it’s ready to be picked up! Score! I might pick it up in a little while as I am totally out of it. I might just put on my jogging pants rather than jeans because I really don’t want to change but I can’t go in my PJs. I also emptied my recycling bins today so I call it a win.

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G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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