Bad Dream

Bad dream

I just woke up from a bad dream. I dreamt I had the bottle of pills I plan on ending my life with in my hands. I gave them to my sister to hold for me, but the next thing I knew, I was taking the pills. I started to get worried that I was going to puke from taking so many. But I had the bottle in my hand, unopened. Then I woke up to find that my hands were empty, thank god. It was a very strange but disturbing dream.

I am surprised I woke up as I took Nyquil for my cold with my pain and night meds. I must have slept for about three hours. I am not in pain, yet. But I am coughing. Great. This cold doesn’t want to leave my body. I am already tired of being sick. I hope it’s gone by tomorrow but I doubt it will be. I am tired. I want to go back to sleep but that dream has me all discombobulated. I’m afraid to go back to sleep for fear of going back to that dream. Can you dream your death? It would be welcome. But it would be strange for me to die in my sleep when I have no known problems and no one in my family has died in their sleep at such a young age. They have died from old age or cancer (my father).

There was a movie that I wanted to see that was only for one night only. I tried to get tickets but they were sold out. Such a bummer. I planned on taking my youngest sister to it but I really didn’t think they would be sold out. I hope they make it into a DVD. That would be awesome. I hate going to theaters anyways because I really can’t stand loud noises. It makes me uneasy. Tonight while having dinner, it was all quiet until my mother turned on the TV. It was full blast and gave me a mini heart attack; it scared the shit out of me. My mother laughed but eventually the noise got to me and I asked her if she could lower it. The sound was going through my head like I sledgehammer.

I think I have another cavity in my tooth. It’s quite sensitive. I hope not because I hate the drilling. I see the dentist in a couple of weeks. I hope it’s just sensitive because of this cold that I have. Yesterday, the whole row of teeth were bothering me.

I can’t take anymore Nyquil for another hour or so. Same with my pain meds. I think a slice of cherry pie is calling my name. ta ta for now.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide, suicide attempt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Bad Dream

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hate bad dreams. Your dream sounded disturbing. Usually if I dream anything bad or scary I can never get back to sleep. I hope you enjoyed the cherry pie. xxx

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