having a rough time

Having a rough time

I have been in pain all morning. I needed to get my pain meds so I just went out to do that and holy fucking hell broke loose. BOTH ankles are hurting as well as my bad foot/toes. I am home now and going to medicate and relax the rest of the day. I feel bad that I was supposed to see my friends south of Boston but there is no way I can make the journey. I just hurt too much.

I am so flipping tired. It’s really hot today but the end of the week is going to be hotter. I wore shorts and my brace was rubbing against me. It made my calf hurt while I was walking around or even while I was sitting. I don’t know why this is because I never felt that way before. I think it’s just because I am so tired from being in pain all the time.

I seemed to have misplaced my house keys. I know I came into the house on Friday and what I did with them after I came into the house is a mystery. I can’t find them anywhere. It’s really bugging me. I have a spare key that I carry in my wallet in case I lock myself out of the house. I have done that numerous times. I have been using that but I miss having my rewards cards for the different stores I go to. I really hope I find them.

I took a shower when I got up this morning. It started the downhill slide but I pushed through it to get to my PCP’s office and the pharmacy. I keep thinking of suicide. I emailed my psychiatrist last night to tell her things weren’t good. I am just tired of being in pain and just existing. I am getting so sick of it. I’m sick of my feet being cold all the time and then burning hot when they warm up. I am tired of being tired all the time when I don’t do much activity. I am tired of missing out on social visits because my pain is too bad for traveling. I really just want to die and don’t see a reason for living. It’s just not worth it.

3 thoughts on “having a rough time

  1. I can see why you feel its not worth it to hold on. I care. I’m not going to tell you things will get better because that’s jus not what you want to hear I know. but just know someone out here cares, I hate to see you in so much pain. xoxo

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