bright sun shiny day

Bright sun shiny day

It’s 80 degrees or so and slightly humid. I hate it. I wasn’t planning on going out but I had to pick up my jeans. I figure I would also pick up a steak and cheese and some fries for my lunch. Before I even got to the tailors, my ankle started to have spasms. I was screwed. I had to walk really slow and I was sweating really bad. After the tailors, I went to the sub shop for my sandwich and fries. I carefully walked home as it was pretty bad. I was hurting.

I had my sandwich and shared my fries with my mother. They always give you more than a small. I hate to see what a large looks like. I was sweating and it didn’t feel good. I made an ice tea but diluted it with ice so it was mostly water. It was a big cup. I figure I would have some fluids to replenish my lost ones.

After I ate, I went upstairs to change. My ankle was hating me like never before. My t-shirt was soaked so I took it off and I dried myself with a towel that I keep in my room for that purpose. I am always sweating and I think it’s because of the chronic pain that I sweat more. Doesn’t help that today is a hot day. I think I am going to have my brother in law put in my AC tonight because the rest of the week is supposed to be just as hot. I had already took my pain meds around noon so I couldn’t take anymore. I can take my strong pain pill but I will hold off on it. I took an Ativan to quiet the spasms. If the pain gets worse, I will take the pill.

I read a chapter of Robert Lowell. I am trying to get through this book. I have 5 chapters left. I won’t be doing a review on it because I don’t like the book the way it is written. I think it could have been edited so that it wasn’t so big as the author repeated herself several times or the themes of the book are repeated.

I woke up around 0530 because my bladder woke me up. I was able to get back to sleep till around 11 or so. I made coffee and had a bowl of cereal. I really didn’t want to get up but I was hungry. My mother made bacon so I had a few slices.

The Ativan is making me feel sleepy. I think I am going to take a nap for an hour or so. Then I will get back to reading Lowell. I have nothing else planned for the day/evening. Nothing for tomorrow either.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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