cooler day but still in the 80s

Cooler day but still in the 80s

Today was much less humid than the past few days. I had woken up early in pain but went back to sleep after I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I then woke up around 11 and got ready for the 1150 bus. I shaved my head again. I am getting better at it but the sides and back are still uneven. I had to use a new razor because my mother likes mine but doesn’t rinse it out after she uses it. Pisses me off. I just bought some new cartridges for the razor on Amazon. It was a sweet deal. I might get some more next week when I get paid as it was a good price.

I fiddled with my phone to pass time. Then I got dressed and went to the bus stop. The bus was late. I ordered my drink and a donut through the Starbucks mobile app so it would be ready when I got there. I am liking this feature. Beats standing in line and then waiting for your order. I wrote in my journal until I was a popsicle and then I left to go to my PCP’s office to pick up my prescription. Fucking asshole didn’t change the count again, so I will be back in 20 days or less.

I got to the Square and was parched so I got some water. I meant to bring a water bottle with me but forgot. I waited for the bus and then went to Walgreens. On the ride home, I called my mother to see if she needed anything. She told me to pick up some tissues as they were on sale. I dropped off the prescription and was told there was a 30 minute wait. I said I would be back. Here it is more than 30 minutes later and my script is still not ready. I am pissed.

While I was at Starbucks, I called the neuro clinic to reschedule my appt with a CRPS specialist. I got a fucking generalist. I specifically said CRPS. I have a general neuro that I have been seeing for years so I am going to ask my psych what to do. If I call again, I am going to lose my patience.

I came home and I was a sweating mess. My sister used my laptop to print something and shut off the ceiling fan. It was hot in my room as she left the door open. UGH. I quickly turned on the AC. I am feeling better now but lazy as I don’t want to go back to Walgreens. I might after dinner. Sun won’t go down until around 2030 as today is the longest day of the year. My ankle started to act up soon as I got up the stairs so I took some pain meds. I hope it settles down some. It’s much too hot to be in pain the rest of the day and night.

I am feeling really frustrated. I might email my neuro and see what she thinks about seeing another neuro for my CRPS. I honestly don’t think I am going to get any answers unless the doc specifically specializes in CRPS. I am just burnt out in hunting for doctors to get what I go through. The only one that understands is my psych. I wish all doctors had her empathy and sympathy and understanding. It would make my life so much easier. I wouldn’t have to fight so much to get the care I need.

My mother is making my favorite for dinner, pasta and sauce. I forgot to take out the ground beef so I could make my meat sauce. I guess I will wait for the weekend. I have dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon. I am glad because waking up has been a problem for me. I tend to sleep during the morning hours, no matter what time I get to bed and also tend to wake up before 0700. Sometimes I stay up but mostly I just go back to sleep, if I am able.

Think I am going to watch a couple of STTNG episodes tonight. The ballgame was played during the day so my evening time is free. I might also read as I haven’t all week. I am slowly plowing through the books but it takes a little motivation, which I don’t always have. It’s so hard to read when you are in pain and depressed.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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