Today is officially the worst day ever. I’ve been in pain since 5 am. I woke up with cramps in my foot. On and off, the pain has been fluctuating bad to worse and worse to really worse. Around 2000, I could take my night meds. It was too early for my pain meds, but least I could give them a chance to work while waiting. I was walking to the nurses station with my flavored water when my ankle said, fuck you. I was stuck. I needed one of the nurses to help me. The pain was intense. I couldn’t bear weight on it anymore.
I asked the nurse to get my AFO for me to walk to get my meds. I really became suicidal. I just didn’t want to exist anymore. I was so tired of being in pain all day. I met with my contact person and told him I was planning. It’s the only thing that helps me get through these bouts. It’s my coping mechanism. Might not be the best but oh,well. I really wish the nurses could take your meds to your room like a medical floor. I’m always at the end of the hall. Fucking sucks.
I’m sending jokes to another patient via text. Just something to do until meds kick in. I have a movie I kind of want to watch. Will Farrell and Mark Wahlberg star in it. I’m not a fan of Farrell. He annoys me. So I’m hesitant to watch it.
I hope to be discharged tomorrow. I want my meds at my bedside where I don’t have to walk or use a bloody computer system to give me my meds. I have been keeping a spreadsheet of what time I take my meds and how many pills I take. Just to keep track. Usually I use an app but the app doesn’t list the doses taken in a day. I find it’s helping me be more conscious of the number of pills I take in a day. The app doesn’t tell me that information.
One of my friends pissed me off today. She tends to act like a mother hen and today was not the day. I told her I was possibly getting discharged tomorrow and she asked me the same questions everyone has today, Are you ready and are you safe. I blew up and told her she wasn’t my therapist and I wasn’t going to answer. She then says I’m bitchy. Whatever I replied. Then she said I hurt her. She does this every time I stick up for myself. Screw her.I’m tired of her shit.
Ankle and foot is acting up. I hope I get some sleep tonight. Or it’s going to suck tomorrow.