Category: depression

Kind of a blah day

I was able to shave and shower today. My back is still flared up from it. I have been trying to rest it out but might need to take something. My ankle is flared up too. Always happens when I shower. I just took some pain meds and an Ativan because my back is cramping up painfully.

I didn’t do much today except rest. I am really tired for some reason. I see my pcp tomorrow morning. I hope I have a brain. Morning appointments are can be a challenge for me. I have somethings I want to discuss with him, mostly getting fasting labs. I think this will be my physical as I haven’t had one in a while.

I have been in a blah mood all day. I haven’t felt any energy or anything all day. I started writing a friend a letter and I couldn’t even finish it. I want to keep this blog going but I think today I am just going to write 250 words rather than 500 so at least I have some accomplishment for the day.

My PCP wanted me to contact uro on the urethral pain I am having and she got back to me. I am to have another culture and then follow up with her or her NP. Fun. And it will be virtually so I don’t have to worry about an exam or leaving with a catheter. It really feels like nerve pain but from what I don’t know. Weird that all of a sudden this happens.

Sox are playing the Jays tonight. The last game in the series. Nate Eovaldi is on the mound. I hope he can be nasty. We need a win after we got slapped silly yesterday. I am starting to think Fenway is cursed. We haven’t been successful in winning games there.

A mixed Sunday

Sox are getting their asses whopped on by the Blue Jays. Right now the score is 9-1 in the 4^th. Pitiful. Starting to think there is a curse at Fenway as we just can’t win games there anymore.

I talked with a cousin today. She read my memoir, Midnight Demon. She had no idea the struggles I went through over the years. We talked for about a half hour about things. She said that she had known I was masculine throughout my childhood but didn’t think I would be trans. She said it was hard to transition. I get it. But she makes an effort and that is all that matters.

Today is another warm day. I have the AC going. I am so tired though and don’t know why. I slept pretty good. I only woke up around midnight to pee and then went back to sleep, thankfully. I didn’t wake up till 7 when my bladder was full again. My sister was in the shower so I had to wait a little bit. She took forever. I need to take a shower one of these days. Maybe tomorrow or later tonight. I don’t have to worry about my sister and I fighting because she and my other sister went to the casinos for the night.

I had dinner with my mother. She made spaghetti with sauce. It was good. I feel like having a cup of coffee but it’s almost 1700 and if I do, I will be up all night. I didn’t have two cups like I wanted today. I didn’t get up till around noon for my first cup.

I am in pain today. My ankle is flaring up. Probably because the humidity is up. I have been trying to stay off it to let it calm down but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to get up to do my meds and get more Gatorade by the bedside. My legs are shot today for some reason. They really hurt when I stand up. My calf muscle is getting better. It is becoming less painful to the touch, which I am glad because I was worried I would have gone to the ED for evaluation.

Sucks the Sox had a day game. Now I got nothing to do tonight. The final score was 18-4 so I am glad I didn’t listen to it. I think Fenway is cursed because we have not been good at winning games there for some time. My jaw has been hurting me all day. I don’t know why it is so fricken tense. I need to see my dentist for a cleaning and for him to look at it. My last cleaning was before the pandemic. I was supposed to go in Jan of last year but I canceled it when I knew I was having back surgery. Hard to believe back surgery was only a year ago.

Saturday Blog Post 12062021

I’ve been up since 0630. I woke up and felt energized but in a lethargic way as my brain was in a fog. A half hour later, my mother let the tea kettle whistle for more than 10 minutes and I got pissed off so went downstairs to shut it off. I was near the bottom of the stairs when she turned it off. I was so mad. I told her she woke me up with the fucking kettle and she said good. NO! Not good!! Who the hell wants to be up before 8am on a damn Saturday?? I started making my coffee and then decided I was going to get her a deaf kettle so that it lights up rather than whistles. I swear sometimes she doesn’t hear the thing.

I had asked my nephew if he would go to the pharmacy for me but he never responded. My sister had to go to get my niece snacks so she gave me a ride. Thank god because my legs are still killing me and I am in a lot of pain with my ankle. It has been raining off and on today so I think that is why I am hurting. I am glad there wasn’t a line at the pharmacy so I didn’t have to wait too long to get my meds and get out. I found out you can use food stamps at the pharmacy so that is cool. Now whenever I need creamer or ice cream, I can pay for it using my card.

The new update now has weather status on my taskbar. That is pretty cool. I want to clear my bed off today but I don’t know if I will be able to do it. I just woke up from a nap and feel oozy. I thought I was going to fall backward while I was putting on my PJs when I came home from the pharmacy. It was not a good feeling. I still feel really tired and I don’t know why as I slept pretty good last night. For the first time in weeks I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night. I think it is probably because I went to bed close to 2300. Pain was keeping me up.

I asked my pcp for a referral to a dermatologist because a couple of birth marks I have has changed. One turned black and the other has become rough. The rough one is on my left arm and the other is on my left thigh. I have a particular doctor I want to see as she was my father’s doctor. I really liked her so would like to see her.

My right calf is still painful from what the physical therapist did on Wed. It is getting better though. The swelling has gone down, which is good. I was getting worried that I would have to go to the emergency room for a possible blood clot. If it is still bothering me when I see my PCP on Tues, I will let him know and maybe he can just order an ultrasound just to be on the safe side of things. I got a burger I took out the other day that I plan on making for my lunch/dinner tonight. I also want to make some white rice as I have been craving it for a while now. I wanted to have it last night but I guess my mother didn’t want to make it. They had the jasmine rice and I wanted to buy it but my mother doesn’t like that kind so I didn’t.

A tiring and frustrating day

My mother’s visiting nurse came and she has been after my mother to be more aware of the foods she eats to help control her sugar better. So she sent me a couple of things via email that might be helpful. As she was explaining this to my mother, she misgendered me. Then my mother did the same. I went upstairs. I wanted to nap but couldn’t.

I had to go grocery shopping and spent a hundred dollars on food, mostly vegetables and fruit. I thought I could carry everything home by bus but as I was walking to the bus stop, I realized this wasn’t going to happen. I called a cab when I got to the stop. I waited a good twenty minutes for it. I just rested. Thankfully as I came home my niece saw me and helped carry two bags up the stairs. I carried the Gatorade. I thought I was fine with minimal damage but soon as I settled on my bed my ankle flared up. So much for cooking dinner tonight.

I had requested my BT meds yesterday afternoon through the patient web thing and it never went through. I am glad I called because I am running low on my meds. I don’t know if it will go through tonight or not. It will suck if I have to wait till Mon.

My whole body is sore from carrying the groceries. I am wicked tired and want to listen to the game tonight but I don’t know if I will be awake. I just want to nap. I didn’t have two cups of coffee today. I just had the one. Only thing I have eaten today was a yogurt when I came home from shopping. If my mother doesn’t cook dinner, I will just order out again. Kung Pao chicken has been my go to these days but the spicy stuff has been bothering my stomach. I don’t care though because it tastes so damn good.

My mother made dinner but it wasn’t what I was looking forward to. She thought the cucumber I bought was zucchini so made it like zucchini and it didn’t taste right. It was really watery. Just a mess. So there went my cucumber salad. I wish I could have cooked the way I wanted to. Will have to be some other night.