Started out as an idea then blossomed into a plan. He knows that killing himself was the only way out. Thoughts of doom and gloom were perpetually haunting him night and day for the past month. He hasn’t been able to shake the black dog for weeks. The loss of sleep, appetite, loss of interest in things that used to be pleasurable has been growing. Most days he just stays in bed praying for death to end his suffering. He has tried to shake it off and do the things that give him pleasure but the pain of living has been too great. No matter what he does to try and distract himself, the pain comes on in the early evening, drowning everything that means anything to him. Every night at the same time the midnight demons come out and the suicidal impulses and thoughts become overwhelmingly powerful. He just decided within the next week to put his plan into action. He no longer can take the heartache, pain and restlessness every night. Nothing helps the sorrow or the pain. Duloxetine was supposed to help. It did for a few weeks but now he is so enveloped all he can think about is his way out.
The hotel room has been reserved. What better place than by the place of his former employment. The chemicals have been purchased. A bottle of each in the bathtub should be sufficient. Hotel bathrooms are not that big. The thrill of putting this plan into action fills him with joy. He does think of how much he will suffer. After all, choking on chlorine gas can’t be pleasant. But hopefully it will be faster than pills.
The week has finally come. Soon as his check comes in he will rent the room that will be his death chamber. He can hardly wait to do this. The tension of all the years of suffering has finally ceased to be. He has been cheerful around people, putting on the act of someone who doesn’t have a care in the world. No one knows of his plan, that is the beauty of it. No one suspects. He is tired of seeking help and this time he will become a statistic that will be a suicide. He will join the 30, 000 plus that commits suicide every year. The only obstacle he needs to overcome is his therapist’s safety plan. He has never lied in his life but this time his one lie is a big one. If successful, he will be gone, if not he still will be among the millions of people that suffer from depression.
midnightdemons7 