Win update and other things

Win update and other things

My mother needed me to print off the email from Sears so she could have an itemized receipt of what she bought. I printed it out and when I got back on my bed, stupid thing popped up saying Windows 10 needed a security update and needed 8GB of space, minimum. Last time there was an update, I had to use my thumb drive to download and install it. This damn thing doesn’t give me the option and there is no way to minimize the fucker. I am not in the fucking mood to be dealing with this today. My pain is unreal because I made dinner for my mother, niece, and I tonight. Just one hour of cooking did me in. The cold rain and wind I am sure is not helping. Not that I felt great to begin with.

Last night, my leg was hurting so I massaged it. It felt really tight and swollen. Lovely! I meant to call my doc today but I woke up late because I didn’t sleep, again, through the night. Also didn’t help that I was a dumbbell and forgot to change the med reminder alarm to something other than 5 fucking AM. Scared the shit out of me! I will call on Monday, though I will doubt I will be able to see the twerp that is my PCP. I’ll probably see one of his associates.

I had my haircut done on Wednesday before I saw my psychiatrist. I woke up this morning and wanted to shave my head because it grew in and I wanted that close feel. I probably would have if my damn ankle wasn’t hurting so bad. It would have given me a reason to shower, though it has been more than a couple days since I have. I am getting bad at showering again. I can’t help it. It hurts to stand right now and I can’t shower sitting. Maybe if I had an enclosed shower stall or something. My previous house had one with a door. We have have a curtain and a some what high ceiling. Knowing me, I would get the water everywhere but on myself. Even when I am washing dishes, spoons especially, I get water every where. It’s like I take a bath along with the dishes. My mother tells me to move the head of the faucet inward but I forget or if I do, then water goes on the splash guard. I am terrible. Maybe tomorrow, if I wake up early (i.e., before 1 pm), I will take it first thing. I had wanted to make breakfast but it was past lunch when I got up. Oh well. Bacon is still going to be there tomorrow.

I wanted to write about CRPS for Rare Disease Awareness but I am having trouble with it. My brain is just not to focused. I’d have to research it a little more, even though I have it, I don’t have a typical presentation of it. I mostly just have pain that is unexplained, except when you look at my bone scans. That is what it took for me to finally get diagnosed as I have bone changes. Not everyone is that lucky. If I am up early tomorrow, I will try and write something for it. I think it is important to spread awareness about it.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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