Migraine because bright days suck
Lately, I have been really photosensitive. I don’t know if it is because of the pain or that my migraine activity has been ramped up due to the pressure and weather changes we have been having the past couple of weeks. I reluctantly got up, took my meds, and then had to make something to eat because I was starving. I must have sat in the bright kitchen maybe twenty minutes when my head started to hurt. Then the noise from the TV in the living room was like a hammer to my head. I couldn’t stand to look out of the windows in the French doors. I took some ibuprofen and then retreated to my room.
I want to make the chili cornbread my barber likes. I forgot to take out the frozen corn so need to let it thaw a bit. I can’t stand being in the brightly lit kitchen anyways. I took my migraine meds and I am hoping that settles down the brain squishing in my head. I don’t know what I am going to do when it goes away and I have to be in the kitchen. Maybe I will wait till the sun goes down to make it. My mother won’t eat it so it will only be for me. I won’t eat the whole thing (I never do, which is why I give it away). I will be making a little thing for myself so I don’t have to take a slice. It is better this way as the cornbread mix is kind of too much for the pan and overflows while baking it. Last time I held some aside in its own dish it was perfect.
Facebook seems to be down right now. I don’t know when it will be back up. I had a funny story with my mother I wanted to post. I probably will later. I try to post these conversations so they give me a laugh later.
Alan Alda posted a thing on Twitter about his podcast. At the end of each podcast, he asks seven questions. He wanted his followers to answer them and possibly be picked for his show. I was stumped on two of the questions. One was “what do you wish people understood about you” and the other was “what is the strangest question anyone has asked you”. I had to really think about it and the strangest question was how did I know I was male? The other was probably to have people realize that there are relapses in dealing with my mental illness. People seem to think that when you are down and then come back up, you are okay from now on and that really isn’t always the case. Like my suicidality may go away for a bit when my depression lessens or I am really looking forward to something important. Eventually though, it comes back and festers. I am sort of lucky I haven’t made an attempt in a long time but I plan a lot of ways I should die. I sometimes will be okay for a few days when my pain is less (if that was the trigger that caused it).
Thank god. My computer restarted for windows update before I saved this document. I would have been pissed if it was lost. I just finished with making the chili cornbread casserole. It was really good. Unfortunately, I had only half of what I made for myself because I had chips waiting for it to be done. Oven took more than hour to cook. I had the infrared gun show it was 350 degrees (supposed to be 380). About forty-five minutes later, the temp dropped to 260. My mother is being so fucking picky over the colors of the stove. We have a white top and black oven. No one sells this anymore. It is all one color so doesn’t want it. I am ready to just take her card and order one and just be like too bad, you waited too long! Fuck. Been at least three months since she knew we needed another one. I am so hesitant to use it anymore because I can’t spend all day waiting for things to bake or cook. My fricken foot and ankle right now is a 10. I have no idea if the foot will swell or not. It still is swollen from Monday night. Stupid pressure went up so I hope it levels off, but I doubt it. Temps are going up tomorrow so I am going to take it easy the rest of the night. I need to go to the FedEx place to pick up my package. I will go to the Starbucks there, too. Because I had to finagle the bagel, I didn’t put too much funds on my Starbucks card. I am not going there regularly anyways.
My barber is working tomorrow but doesn’t know when he will be in the shop as he has something to do in the morning. I will be taking his food Friday, which is just as well as I finally got an appointment with my psychiatrist. It is late afternoon, which I don’t like but will take it as I need to see her. It probably is better that way as I have been having the hardest time getting up before noon.