I think I am the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going…

I think I am the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going…

I had set my med and wake alarm at the same time. One woke me up. I got a few hours sleep as my pain was keeping me up. My mood was too as I had hit the suicidal lows. I know I was ecstatic about the book but like anything good that happens, it doesn’t seem to last long and my mood drops severely.

My groceries came a little after 0930, which gave me plenty of time to go to the Square to get the beef I needed for chili cornbread casserole and Starbucks which I was craving severely by this point. I figure I would take the new journal and break it in with stuff I always keep in the beginning of the book. I had breakfast as I had my yummy espresso. I cut it down to four shots, mostly to be saving money. I will get more if I have a crummy night sleep and then need to be somewhere.

After I finished eating, I tried to write but I grabbed the pen I accidently washed. It was self-contained and I am glad it was because it exploded. I got ink all over my hand. Nice. I packed up and went to the butcher shop. I looked over the ground beef selection and fish. Fish was ridiculously priced. It was like $10/lb and most of the packages were not even close to a pound. I went to the register and then went to the bus stop, almost forgetting my espresso.

I had to go to Walgreens for my mother. I also had some coupons that were going to expire so I did a little shopping. I got stuff for my mother and I. I had no idea what I bought was going to be so fricken heavy. I mean I got a 4lb bag of sugar and it felt like a ton. I guess between my two journals and the sugar, I was carrying a lot. I also got some other stuff but nothing really heavy. I guess I was tired with the heat and carrying stuff just was not in the works. I had to take breaks so it was a long walk home.

I had forgot to take out the corn for the casserole so I had to wait a bit before cooking. I rested a bit and showed what I bought to my mother. I put it away. She was happy I got the stuff off. I told her I couldn’t get the Dawn dish detergent because they didn’t have a scent I liked as the blue was out of stock. She said why and I said because I don’t want to smell apples while washing dishes.

I got tired of waiting and started cooking the onions and then the beef. When the beef was close to done, I put the oven on. While the beef was going through the last few minutes of cooking, I got the cornbread mix ready. I had bought some milk because my mother had very little left. I guess that was also heavy in addition to the sugar I was carrying. It was only a half-gallon. I wanted a quart but they didn’t have them, just half and gallon. Oh well. When the beef was done, I mixed the other ingredients in and then put the milk in the bowl with the cornbread mix. I put the beef mixture in the Pyrex dish and then poured the cornbread mix. I didn’t spread it evenly. I had the oven on 400 degrees. It took forever to cook and brown. Last time I made it, I didn’t cook it long enough so parts of it was not cooked. There was no egg in it so it is okay to eat. I didn’t want to put the whole two boxes in but I did. Next time I won’t put all of it (like I said last time (shrugs)).

While the casserole was cooking, I made lemon pudding for the pie I wanted to make. I put the pudding in the graham crust and…I didn’t have enough pudding because the crust was bigger than I thought it would be. Crud. I put the cool whip on it anyway. It is still in the fridge. I’ll have some later. I was fricken hot. I wanted my bed and the AC. The cornbread was taking forever so I did the dishes. I then waited some more. My battery on my phone was draining. I was listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s Come On, Come On album as today is the 26th anniversary of its release. I love the album. I was singing along. I don’t think there is a song I dislike on it. I have listened to it so many times that even if there was, it probably grew on me.

My doc changed the time we were supposed to meet. Now I am seeing her Friday instead of tomorrow. I am glad because the bus I take home is being rerouted due to a 4th of July thing. I went upstairs to cool off as the casserole was done and it needed to “rest”. I was conflicted as to whether I would have a slice or have a leftover burger. I had a burger and then went upstairs. I am so damn tired and wanted a nap. I tried to take one but my foot cramped up. I took some magnesium rather than an Ativan. I have not been drinking fluids today, which is probably why I cramped. I have been trying to drink water or Powerade but I haven’t been that thirsty.

I am now listening to the Sox hammer the Angels. They have a 6-0 lead right now. Hope Porcello doesn’t cough it up.

4 thoughts on “I think I am the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going…

  1. Thanks. Tell the friends to fuck off. Seriously though, it is tough. I stop talking to them about it. Or find a friend that understands. I’ve been lucky that the few friends I have understand. This is after I’ve been disabled. Support groups are good. NAMI (national alliance of mental illness) is a great resource. I’m always here. Use the contact page for my email. Some days are not always good though. I guess having an annoying mother forces me out. Otherwise I’d be in my room all day


  2. Congrats on the book. I don’t know how you do it every day. I am in such a bad place and all my friends say is snap out of it. How do you deal with the total lack of understanding?


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