Sunday sauce (gravy) making

Sunday sauce (gravy) making

I forgot I ordered meatballs with my grocery order. I haven’t had pasta and meatballs in a long time. My mother has not made a gravy since she doesn’t have meat. Or she might have it but needs hamburger to make meatballs. Anyway, I decided to make gravy today. I am wiped out. The humidity finally went down by 30 points so it’s back to being cool. I feel cold and might put on a long sleeve shirt soon.

Feet were cold in the kitchen so I put a compression sock on my bad foot and a regular sock on my regular one. My ankle is still painfully swollen. Being on my feet cooking didn’t help. I watched the Golden Girls while the gravy cooked. It cooked pretty fast, within two hours. I wanted to rest a bit before I made the pasta.

My mother went over my cousin’s house so I will just be having dinner by myself. I’ll probably make the pasta in an hour or so. I thought of having spaghetti but now I am thinking of rigatoni so I will flip for it when I go downstairs. I had a few meatballs, just to make sure they were good, LOL. I love meatballs. It is my favorite in a gravy. I am glad I have rolls as I can make a sub.

My cheap massagers came. I need to go downstairs to get them. Of course they came within minutes of me sitting in my room. Never fails. I hope they work out the knots in my legs. I need to use the tennis ball for my back. Last night my back was hurting me so bad from the spine going out toward my hip. The muscles were so sore. I know it is because of the stupid temp changes. Going from 80 to 57 is painful when you got arthritis and chronic pain.

Sox won last night. They came back in superb fashion, with dingers!! I am glad. I found out how the percentage is calculated. Because the stupid snakes have played less games than the Sox, that is why their percentage is higher than ours, making them look like they are in first but they are really a game and half behind, which makes no sense as they have played five less games than them. Irritating!! They should be 5.5 games behind but I don’t make the rules. Final game with Houston is tonight. I am glad they are playing at 7. They are off tomorrow and then will be back in Boston to play the Tigers.

I ended up canceling therapy tomorrow. I don’t know if I will be able to continue to go weekly. Lately, it has been every other week. It sucks but there is nothing I can do about it as my flares have been awful lately. Maybe when my pain med changes I can do more things. I talked with a friend who is on the med and he said expect to be sick the first 2-3 days. Lovely. He has been on the same dose for 15 years and it works for him. I just hope I don’t have any problems filling it.

Painful Sunday

Painful Sunday

I had put on the compression sock before I went to sleep sometime last night. I wasn’t in too much pain until I took it off. The elastic bothered my foot so bad that it was intense pain. Luckily it settle down some, on its own. I was determined to make the crispy buffalo cauliflower bites today. It was costly though and they didn’t come out that great. My mother didn’t like them and complained there was not salt or pepper. I saved the sauce and cauliflower. I don’t know if I will make it again but it was good to try it. My mother think I should have made it with egg. Everything is better with eggs which is why we go through so many. We should just own a few chickens. It would be easier than buying them.

I didn’t answer when my mother called me saying dinner was ready. I was so mad at her. In the end she ended up cleaning up the mess I made. I felt bad but there was no way I could do it. I could barely stand after the cauliflower was done. I got hungry and even went downstairs with the boot. Damn thing didn’t stop or help the pain. I had trouble going back upstairs after I ate. My mother said to “rest”. I got mad again and punched the wall. I was so damn aggravated. I picked a new date as the date I had originally was too close to a birthday.

My loud mouth aunt joined facebook. I have no idea if it is her or not. She requested to be friends with me and I blocked her. No way she is knowing my business so she can gab about me behind my back, not like she doesn’t do this anyway. I just don’t need her calling my mother after every post, telling her what I post. My cousin did that and I blocked him. I don’t know if she now knows I am trans. I guess I will find out soon.

My laptop is fucking up. I have shit for memory and it finally has been filled up by god knows what. I cannot fucking wait to fix my other laptop or buy a new one. I don’t care at this point. It will be better than this piece of shit, though what I will do with it, I have no idea. A friend of mine was telling me about a different OS that takes up less hard drive space so maybe I will fiddle with that. I honestly just need this junk to have word and internet so I can post my blog. I can’t go on Facebook anymore because it eats RAM. I settled for using it just for Twitter but I can do that with my phone, which I am grateful I have pics hidden because one of the accounts I followed showed snakes and I am very phobic about snakes. If I went through via the internet the picture wouldn’t have been hidden and I might have had a panic attack. On Facebook you can’t do that, which sucks because a friend went to a friend’s house that had pythons. UGH. I manually hid that post so fast. Freaks me out!

I hope my fucking pain doesn’t keep me up tonight. Last night it kept me up till midnight but I slept for most of the day so it wasn’t bad. Plus I woke up around 0330 in pain so that wasn’t so great. I had to use lidocaine to ease some of the pain as it was just awful stabbing pains and I was getting a little crazy. My cousin called me and left a message to call him so I did. I automatically block his number because he annoys me. I told him I just don’t feel like talking every day. I rather text or email.

too many activities today

Too many activities today

I kind of forgot that my med alarm was set for like 0530 so I woke and it took me a little while to go back to sleep. I fell asleep when my mother went downstairs for breakfast. I woke up and was feeling okay. I wasn’t in a lot of pain so decided I was going to the grocery store to make the chili cornbread casserole.

I wore my boot. I also wore shorts as today was pretty warm. I tried to get crumpets but I didn’t see them. I’ll just have to order them on my monthly grocery order. I got the other ingredients and two dozen eggs. I was hurting but I was still okay. I had to let the frozen corn thaw so I went up to my room to print off the recipe. I was sweating as it was so damn warm. It’s only warm for today so I don’t mind. The temp is going to drop tomorrow and then more on Sunday. Monday is going to be raining. Fun.

I made the casserole. Then I made a frozen dinner as I had to cook the cornbread and couldn’t wait for it to come out. I figure I would have it for dinner. I cleaned up and washed the dishes. Then I went back upstairs. I must have been on the second or third step and my ankle said fuck you. I was hurting bad. My mother had taken the cane so I was stuck. No one was home. I just stood there like a flamingo trying not to put any weight on my foot and hoping the pain would settle down.

I eventually made it back up to my room, slowly. It was too early for me to take my pain meds. I just put my feet up and tried to relax so it wouldn’t hurt. Guess that shower I was hoping to take before bed is not happening. Tomorrow I need to bring the casserole to my barbers. I already called and told him. I might get a haircut. Depends on how I feel.

cooking Wednesday

Cooking Wednesday

I slept crappy for the third night in a row. I am so spent and labile. My mood keeps going all over the place and I am weepy at times. I was determined to make something today. I had silenced my phone not thinking it would not sound my med alarm. I wanted it to wake me up around 11. It never went off so I woke up around 1230. I really didn’t feel like doing shit but I was hungry and needed to make something.

I decided to make a three cheese egg and bacon burritos. I made four but my niece wanted mac and cheese, so after I made the burritos, I made the mac and cheese. I had that instead of the burrito. My ankle and back were acting up so that was all the cooking I was going to do. I tried to nap afterwards but I felt so depressed because I was in pain. I honestly don’t know why I am living. I just want to die. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about texting my therapist, but what was he going to do? I emailed my psychiatrist and got no response. I think that was worse than anything.

I got busy with social media. I had posted my burrito work on FB, IG, and Twitter. I probably post at least twice a month what I make. Someone on Twitter, who I don’t follow, replied to my tweet asking if I liked making breakfast. This is the fourth time a café or restaurant responded to my pics on food. I think it is funny as they just want my business, but other than the Indian restaurant, I am not going to go. Other than Starbucks, I don’t eat out. I might order from Grubhub but that is all. I mostly have been eating at home as I just can’t be bothered to go out anymore. I am in too much pain.

After I had dinner, I took a shower. I needed one. My foot cramped up and my back ached but it got done. I had bought compression socks for my foot and ankle and they came in today. I wore them for a few hours. They left a nice mark on my leg as I was drying off. I am going to try wearing them a few hours a day to control the swelling but don’t know if I will be successful.

I am so tired. I hope I sleep tonight during “normal” sleep hours. I think I might lose it if I don’t have sleep for the fourth night in a row. All three nights my pain started at 2200 or after. It’s just about 1900 right now so I have three hours before I know if I will be in pain all night or not. It used to start at 2000. Now the “magic” number seems to be 2200. Probably because I am ready to settle down and turn in at that time.

One of my Twitter buddies just posted an article that was in JAMA about not to prescribe opioids for severe to moderate chronic back pain or hip/knee osteoarthritis pain because it was shown not to prove function. I am sorry but that is just wrong. Most people who take an opiate for pain do regain some function because their pain is less and they can do more. I don’t trust their results. But all over the article was written, “don’t prescribe opioids” so a little bias?? Pisses me off.

I am doing an experiment. I just took my night meds but I am not going to take the Ativan, just yet. I will take it later when I want to go to sleep. Maybe then I can sleep through the night. I just hope I don’t have side effects from the antipsychotic.