Music is soothing

For the past week I have been delusional and psychotic for some reason. I have not really been stressed over anything in particular but lately I have been becoming paranoid on crowded buses. It has been difficult but I have found that I become calm and more focused if I am listening to music. Doesn’t really matter the artist, just as long as its music I am distracted from feeling paranoid and psychotic. Music tends to drown out the voices in my head. So I have been listening to music more. Also been buying more music from my favorite artists. Terri Clark just came out with a classics album of country music and it is pretty excellent. I am going to burn it to a CD so I can listen to it on my new boom box, that is Spanish. Thing was created in Mexico and actually came with Spanish instructions…no Englese anywhere.

Met with my psychiatrist today and discussed my condition. As usual she had no answers for me, just keep doing what I have been doing and see you in two weeks. I am a difficult case, what you would call a non-responder. I have yet to respond to an anti-depressant that works more than a year. So far the only thing that has prevented me from ending up back in the hospital is a little Cymbalta. Otherwise I think my mood would take a nosedive and I would not recover. Course if thing were the way they were 20 yrs ago, I might still be inpatient from my June admission.

Got to work on my paper today a little bit, though I found out my citation program is VERY old, like 6 versions old…I have to get an updated version that is going to be pricey because I am no longer a student and I can’t wait till summer when I am to write this paper. I figure if I work on it a little at a time I will be able to finish it by Christmas, provided my mood doesn’t suck more than it already does and I can actually walk to Starbucks to get the reading for it done. The other day my bag tripped me and so I think I sprained my good ankle. But it’s not hurting me as much as my damaged one so who knows. I just know that my right ankle is swollen and hurts if I stand on it. It sometimes gets stiff when I wake up but after rolling it around a little it usually takes the pain and stiffness away. I hate being in pain all the time with both ankles now but there is nothing I can do except take meds for pain. CES sucks!