Can’t Find My Beanie Hat

Can’t find my Beanie hat

Since getting my new haircut, my head has been cold and I need a hat to keep warm. I thought it would be the perfect time to wear a beanie hat but I can’t locate the thing. I think I gave it away because I didn’t like the way if fit or never really wore it. That was when I had hair. Now I am just down to less than a whiffle so I think a beanie hat would be perfect to wear. But it’s missing. It will turn up when I am looking for something else. I don’t even know where my knitted hats are. I will need to find them as winter is approaching. In searching for the beanie hat, I have found many swim trunks. Now if I ever go swimming, I have several pairs. I also found a pair of scrub pants that I thought were gone. They are a cranberry color and they are my favorite. I don’t know if they still fit as I have gained weight since buying them. They will make nice pjs in the winter, if they do fit.

I slept really late today. I couldn’t believe I slept till 1030. I had breakfast and then read some more of the Civil War book. While I was reading it, I forgot to take my morning dose of my blood pressure pills. Another missed dose as it’s too late to take it now. I meant to take it when I got up but forgot. I turned off the app alarm telling me to take it and it just slipped my mind. I hate taking morning pills for this reason.

My butt is still hurting me today. I had another movement and that caused me some pain. I wish there was something I can take for it but there is nothing. I just have to wait till it passes. It sucks. Nerve pain has to be the worse kind of pain there is because narcs don’t touch it at all. And that just makes it worse as far as constipation goes. I’m just glad I didn’t have to labor my movement this morning. That just makes the pain worse. I have been having bowel cramps the past hour or so. I think I might have another run at going. Just hope it doesn’t kill me.

It’s been three weeks now since I bought Eric Church’s newest CD. I am glad it’s on my MP3 player because otherwise I might have worn it out. I haven’t listened to nothing else. I have thrown in a couple of Carrie Underwood songs but the majority of the music is Church. I just love this album and can’t go back to anything else. If I am not listening to it, the songs run in my head. It doesn’t run in a psychotic way but the songs will shuffle through. I have thought about throwing in his song “Springsteen” but that will mess up the tempo of the CD. It like an addiction right now. I know eventually I will go back to the other music I bought but right now I need Church’s music. I can’t explain it.

I was emailing a friend of mine that also has CES. We kind of bitch to one another about the pain that we are in as we understand what the other is going through. She has been such a good support to me through the years. She lives in my state so we have seen each other a couple of times. I think we last met in May or June of this year after the horrible winter we had. It took until then for the commuter rail to get back to a normal schedule. The T has been “winterizing” the trains, though I have no idea how they are doing this. They show pics on the Twitter feed about what they are doing but I don’t know how that is going to help. I just hope this winter is not as bad as last year. It’s warm today so that is a good sign we are not going to be having a crappy winter. I think we can’t have another brutal season because last year it was already cold in December and just got worse through March. I know that I have to come up with some kind of walking thing at home in case I get snowed in for a week or two. Last time I spent most of February in the house and when I started walking, my calves cramped up pretty good because I was using them. I really don’t want to go through that again as it was awful.

I haven’t had lunch yet. I was going to order out but my funds are short. Turns out the order I placed never charged me and so I didn’t have the money I thought I had. I am glad I didn’t make a withdrawal or I would be in the red. I still don’t have the stuff I ordered. It won’t come for another two weeks. The place I ordered from charged my account for each item I ordered. It totally confused the hell out of me because I didn’t make transactions in a few days. I hate when you order stuff and they break up the purchases. Drives me nuts. Amazon will sometimes do that, too.

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G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

2 thoughts on “Can’t Find My Beanie Hat”

  1. I really hope you dont get snowed in. I am hoping I dont either. We dont get anything like your winters but when ireland gets snow its a huge deal because we hardly ever get any. XX

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