Saturday Blog 43

Today has been a lazy Saturday. I really wanted pizza but it was too cold to walk to the store so I had it delivered. I will be having pizza the next few days.

I haven’t done anything today. I’m still in pain and have been trying to avoid sleeping all day though it has been tempting. I made coffee and was half way done with it when I started getting jittery. I have been meaning to return the cup to the kitchen but I haven’t done so. I also need to empty my recycle bin. Think I will do that tomorrow. I don’t feel like going down two flights of stairs with my ankle hurting.

I tried to revive my Tivo while I was waiting for the pizza delivery but no luck. I think I have to hit the reset button or something as it just is stuck on the power up screen. I hate to do that because it might erase my shows but I need the thing to be working. I really don’t want to buy another DVR. I could get one through my cable company but it’s too expensive for my budget. I don’t watch TV anyways so I am trying to get out of missing the shows.

Baseball season is around the corner and I cannot wait. I miss it so much. Spring training starts in like two and a half weeks. The schedule is already in my calendar so I don’t have to download it again.

I found my psychology book. It’s not the one I wanted but it’s abnormal psych so it should be fine for the research I am doing. I just hope it provides the information that I am looking for. I know I could Google the information but there is so much out there I don’t want to have to sift through it all. I like going old school.

I hate this tired feeling that I have. I know I should rest as I really haven’t been sleeping the last few nights. It’s just so hard to settle down, especially when the coffee you drank hours ago is still making you restless. I just don’t know what to do with myself and this goes on day after day. I wish I had something to do. But I am getting bored these days. There is only so much reading you can do online and through books. I wish I could go for a walk but my ankle is just too bad. Plus it’s like 10 degrees out. Not exactly walking weather.

I can’t understand why I can’t stick with a routine. I know part of the reason is because of my father’s appointments that disrupted my schedule. I hope I can go back to some semblance of a routine now that there are no more appointments. I just have my therapy to occupy me and drive me crazy. I sometimes wonder why I still continue twice a week when it’s obviously not really helping me. Some days it does help. I get to vent and be heard where I wouldn’t be otherwise.

In the writing book that I read, it said to network with other writers, copyeditors, and friends that help you with your writing. I have zero in this field. The only people that support my writing is my therapist and psychiatrist. I am not even Twitter friends with other writers. I may follow writers but it’s not like they know me personally or anything. I am just alone in my craft.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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